JPMorgan Dabbles in Crypto – Will the Sky Fall? 🌪️

by

Finance

What to know:

  • Oh, JPMorgan is “exploring” crypto? Because nothing screams “innovation” like a bank that’s been asleep at the wheel for a decade suddenly pretending to care. 🤡
  • “Client demand”? Please. They’re just following the money, like vultures circling a dying startup. 🦅

JPMorgan Chase is finally considering crypto trading for big clients, per Bloomberg. Because why let actual innovators have all the fun? Now they want to join the party, even though they’re 10 years late and still don’t get it. 🤷♂️💸

This would make JPMorgan the biggest bank in the U.S. (by assets, not brainpower) one of the most “prominent” crypto players yet. They’re “assessing products,” which is just a fancy way of saying they’ll probably overcomplicate everything and charge 5% fees. But hey, at least they’re “assessing”! 🎉

Their “deliberations” come as rich investors panic about using retail platforms. Why? Because nothing says “trust” like a bank that’s had zero crypto scandals… ever. Wait, do they even know what a blockchain is? 🤔

Coinbase Prime and Kraken are doing just fine, thank you. Now JPMorgan wants a slice? Of course-because why let actual innovators have all the fun? 🤷♂️💸

The U.S. crypto bill? Oh, Congress remembered there’s a thing called “crypto” now. How progressive. Institutions are thrilled, I’m sure. Just ignore the fact that prices still swing more than a toddler’s mood. 🤪

JPMorgan’s rep didn’t comment. Surprise, surprise. Because transparency is clearly their middle name. 🤡

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2025-12-22 18:27