The cryptocurrency realm, that peculiar theater of human folly, trembled on a Thursday afternoon as Bitcoin clung to its $90,000 limbo. A bourgeois rebound in equities and gold’s record-breaking pantomime could not stir the digital nemesis from its complacent slumber. The coin lingered, as if bound by an ancient pact with inertia, while the stock market’s fake smile painted its way to irrelevant highs.
Bitcoin’s 24-hour dance was a masterclass in existential futility-rising, falling, and finally flatlining as though haunted by the ghost of momentum yet to visit. One might have expected a stock market rally to toss it a bone, but the coin seemed more interested in debating its own worth with a gold bar’s metallic glare.
Ether, that maligned second child of cryptocurrency, slumped further into its self-pitying blues. Even BitMine Immersion’s recent ETH hoarding-akin to a gold rusher in the Gobi Desert-could not ignite a flicker of optimism. The company now holds a proportion of Ether’s supply that rivals a minor tsar’s treasury, as if proving capitalism and crypto can become just as absurd when removed from human-scale relevance.
The so-called majors-those towering digital gods-trotted through the quadrille with the enthusiasm of bureaucrats filing paperwork. Flat, lower, flat again-a dirge in minor keys, played on instruments of invisible strings.
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2026-01-23 03:20