Giant Snakes Are No Match for Middle-Age Malaise

by

The movie Anaconda is a comedy about a group of friends trying to remake the 1997 film of the same name, but the funniest part is a subtle joke. Jack Black plays Doug McCallister, a wedding videographer who dreams of being a filmmaker. His friend Griff (Paul Rudd) returns from Los Angeles claiming he’s obtained the rights to the original Anaconda and wants to shoot a low-budget remake with Doug and their childhood friends, Kenny (Steve Zahn) and Claire (Thandiwe Newton). They made an amateur horror film called The Quatch when they were younger. As a remixed version of “Baby Got Back” plays, Black’s character starts typing, determined to create his own version of the snake-filled adventure, which he titles THE ANACONDA.

Okay, so this reboot—directed by the guy who did The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent—had a really cool idea, and honestly, if the whole movie had lived up to it, it would have been perfect holiday viewing. But it’s all concept and… not no execution, exactly, but it feels so muddled and like it was seriously tinkered with after it was filmed. I keep wanting to blame Jack Black, and it’s not because he’s bad! He’s great, but he’s become such a family-friendly star that I swear this movie was either reworked or completely recut to aim for a PG-13 rating and cash in on his popularity. I don’t have proof, but it really feels that way. For starters, every time the anaconda attacks someone—and this snake is seriously menacing to the film crew lost in the Amazon—the editing is so jumpy and quick, it’s hard to even tell if anyone is actually getting killed. It totally kills any chance of building even the simplest, cheesy suspense.

The film feels strangely uneasy about focusing on midlife crises, and it doesn’t really delve into the problems of its main characters. I honestly can’t even recall if Kenny ever resolves his issues with alcohol. There’s a much more compelling, darker, and potentially funnier movie hidden within Anaconda, hinted at by jokes like Kenny’s definition of “Buffalo sober” (just beer, wine, and some lighter liquors) and a line about Doug’s inheritance – his boss calls it a “B, maybe even a B+ life.” These aren’t themes that appeal to children, which likely explains why the film quickly moves past the idea that these characters are unhappy with how their lives turned out. Anaconda is too mature for the Jumanji audience, but it doesn’t fully commit to exploring these feelings of disappointment and unfulfilled dreams.

The new Anaconda relies heavily on nostalgia for the original 1997 film, which wasn’t exactly a classic. It’s a lot to ask of a movie known for Jon Voight dumping monkey blood on Luis Lopez and Ice Cube. The appeal of the original Anaconda wasn’t about its quality; it was a product of the Blockbuster Video era, a film that was simply everywhere and became tied to a specific time in many people’s lives. A scene where characters fondly remember watching the original in college perfectly captures this – they’re not missing the movie itself, but the carefree time they shared with friends while watching it. Unfortunately, the rest of the reboot feels awkward and overly serious, as if it’s trying too hard to recapture the joy of filmmaking. It doesn’t have the charm of Son of Rambow, and ultimately, this new Anaconda fails to live up to the spirit of the original – it’s lost its bite.

Read More

2025-12-23 20:54