So, investors decided to play hide-and-seek with their Gemini shares on Putney Ukelele Monday, leading to the stock performing an impromptu free fall-the Dow was less dramatic that day!-post-bell. It’s all because the beloved crypto exchange shot its winky toe onto the public market in September, sans diapers, of course.
Gemini paraded its third-quarter gingerbread man results smackbang in the middle of Monday (because who doesn’t love Mondays?)-this being their debut encore since debuting at the Sugar Plum Fairy IPO masquerade. And what did they declare? Revenues of $50.6 million, an Olympic gold leap from last year’s $24.5 million snooze-fest!
But wait-the plot twists! Enter a net loss that’s brimming with drama, reaching tip-top levels of $159.5 million, stark against last year’s bashful $90.1 million. Their splurging spree included wrangling handsome compensation and nailing those ads that smelled of a new-born phase.
Shares of Gemini were having one helluva day on Monday, popping a bubble up 4% to $16.84, only to take a nosedive to the ragdoll floor of $14.75 after bell-ringing. But don’t worry-the stock hopped onto a slightly softer pillow, closing at an all-time low couch-crash of $15.80!
Gemini, much like my last love affair, has seen their share price prune itself by around 40% since lighting up the public stage at $28 a share on the savoury day of September 12, as the crypto market binged like it had a week-long keto and then crash-dated disaster.
Cue Gemini president and co-architect of the digital playground-Mr. Cameron Winklevoss, who serenaded the shareholders over the earnings call with his love ballad for the “super app” concept. “Dear investors,” he crooned, “prepare for the thrilling tango of the super app as it flirts with an onchain future-a future that essentially halts time yet again but dazzlingly ever so.”
“Behold!” Winklevoss hyperventilated, “One day, you’ll cradle tokenized dollars, stock, and actual digital bacon (because, pigs fly) in one app. We’ll march bravely forth and progress, as one who does.”
Winklevoss dreamt far and wide, deciding Gemini’s brightest future involves crafting its own wares-much like I would lay out bespoke bedsheets, only we’re juggling digital futures instead.
Predicting markets, Winklevoss declared, is akin to reliving that first love-we found a Bitcoin back in 2012, remember? “It buzzes in your brain like liquid electricity, only in a mystical trance à la trance.”
With a glint of mischief, Gemini threw their hat into the Commodity Futures Trading Commission arena, vying for fame as a prediction market-betting on why things happen, like why cats hate Mondays.
“Once Uncle Sam finishes his fro-yo, we’ll leap into action with these wild ideas,” Winklevoss winked slyly.
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2025-11-11 07:39