Crypto vs. AI: Capitalism’s Wild Rodeo, Says Dragonfly

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Finance

Hot Goss:

  • So, AI’s hogging the spotlight like it’s the new Kardashian, and crypto’s over here like, “Hey, remember me? I’m still rich.”
  • Haseeb Qureshi from Dragonfly’s like, “Nah, crypto’s not losing-it’s just capitalism doing its jazz hands.”
  • Apparently, comparing AI’s free-for-all party to crypto’s VIP-only club is like comparing a unicorn to a tax return.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – So AI’s the new hotness, and crypto’s sitting in the corner sipping its expensive cocktail, wondering if it’s still cool. But Haseeb Qureshi, the crypto whisperer at Dragonfly, is like, “Hold my stablecoin, this isn’t a breakup-it’s a plot twist.”

“I mean, come on,” Qureshi said at NEARCON 2026, rolling his eyes harder than a teenager at a family dinner. “AI’s got 99% of its users on the free tier. Crypto’s like, ‘You want in? Pay up.’ No freeloaders here.”

He’s got a point. While AI’s handing out free samples like a Costco on steroids, crypto’s the exclusive club with a bouncer and a cover charge. “No free Bitcoin, no free Ethereum,” he quipped. “But hey, 15% of Americans have owned crypto. That’s basically a revolution in a blazer.”

Qureshi’s not sweating the AI hype. He’s more into stablecoins, which are growing like a well-watered houseplant. “50% year-over-year growth? That’s not a trend, that’s a flex,” he said, probably adjusting his metaphorical cufflinks.

And let’s be real, crypto’s still a $2 trillion party, even if the music’s slowed down. “AI’s got 9,000-person teams? Cute. Crypto’s over here building empires with a lean squad and a dream,” he added, probably high-fiving a blockchain.

Follow the Money (or Don’t, It’s Fine)

Sure, venture dollars are flocking to AI like moths to a flame, but Qureshi’s like, “That’s just capitalism doing its thing. Money’s fickle-it’s not a breakup, it’s a summer fling.”

“Crypto’s had its drawdowns, but it’s still the cool kid at the party,” he said. “And unlike AI, we don’t need a small village to build something world-scale. Efficiency, darling.”

He sees the recent crypto chill as a necessary detox. “Too many people were building too many things. The market’s like, ‘Sit down, Karen, you’re doing too much.’ That’s capitalism’s version of a spa day.”

And Dragonfly’s $650 million fund? Bold? Nah. “It’s like buying a designer bag on sale,” Qureshi said. “Why double down when prices are high? That’s just bad shopping.”

Crypto + AI: A Match Made in Hype Heaven?

Qureshi’s not buying the “AI will save crypto” narrative. “AI agents using crypto? That’s like waiting for a unicorn to deliver your Amazon package. It’s not happening tomorrow,” he said, probably sipping a very expensive coffee.

He’s seen this movie before. “Chatbots are hot? Let’s slap a token on it. Agents are the new black? Sure, buy the layer one. It’s like crypto’s forever chasing the shiny object,” he said, probably facepalming.

But don’t worry, crypto’s not losing its identity. “Wall Street’s not taking over-that’s just dumb,” he said. “Bitcoin’s for everyone, like a really expensive potluck.”

Cycles, Not Apocalypses

Qureshi blames the doom and gloom on crypto’s ADHD. “Everyone’s got the attention span of a goldfish,” he said. “Prices dip, and suddenly it’s the end of the world. Spoiler: it’s not.”

Volatility? Old news. “Stablecoins aren’t going anywhere just because prices are moody,” he said. “It’s not a collapse-it’s a cycle. Like laundry, but with more zeros.”

So, is AI replacing crypto? Nah. Is crypto declining? Also nah. “It’s just a cycle,” Qureshi said. “Chill out, grab a snack, and wait for the next act. It’s not a catastrophe-it’s a sitcom.”

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2026-02-25 00:12