Ah, the illustrious Nouriel Roubini, a chap whose predictions have all the charm of a soggy biscuit, has recently sounded the alarm on what he dubs an impending cryptocurrency market “apocalypse.” Quite the dramatic flair, don’t you think? According to our dear Nouriel, even the most crypto-friendly administration in history has floundered like a fish out of water, unable to rescue a sector he insists is as useful as a chocolate teapot, save for its penchant for crime and corruption.
With an air of prophetic certainty, Roubini is quite convinced that we are teetering on the edge of a “full-blown” apocalypse. Grab your popcorn, folks, this is bound to be a show!
The Coming Crypto Apocalypse by Nouriel Roubini @ProSyn
– Nouriel Roubini (@Nouriel) February 3, 2026
The Failing Pro-Crypto Administration
Just a year ago, it was all sunshine and rainbows with the new pro-crypto administration heralding what they claimed would be the dawn of a golden age for cryptocurrency. The promises were as lofty as a giraffe on stilts, with cryptocurrency evangelists predicting that the leading currency could bounce up to a staggering $200,000.
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But, as they say, reality bites, and it has taken a massive chomp out of the market despite a few desperate attempts from the administration to give it a boost. As we stand in February 2026, Bitcoin is down a staggering 35% from its October peak, reaching its lowest level since November 2024. Ouch!
The Implosion of “Digital Gold”
Meanwhile, geopolitical shenanigans, trade disputes, and the kind of ballooning deficits that would make a hot air balloon blush have sent gold prices soaring by over 60%. In stark contrast, Bitcoin has decided to take a nosedive, plummeting by 6% during this same tumultuous period.
“Every time gold has spiked in response to trade or geopolitical ructions over the past year, Bitcoin has fallen sharply,” Roubini notes, as if delivering a particularly biting piece of gossip. “Far from being a hedge, it is merely a vehicle for risk!”
To add fuel to the fire, Roubini argues that labelling crypto as a currency has always been as bogus as a three-dollar bill. He is utterly convinced that it fails spectacularly as a unit of account, a means of payment, and a store of value. Bravo, Nouriel, carry on!
The End of the Experiment
In a grand finale, Roubini concludes that the only “killer app” to emerge from the crypto circus in 17 years is the stablecoin. Who knew stability could be such a remarkable achievement?
He ominously warns that true decentralized finance (DeFi) will remain a pipe dream because no self-respecting government would ever allow the required anonymity to flourish, as it would undoubtedly be a carnival for criminals. “The future of money,” he proclaims, “will be a gradual evolution led by improved traditional ledgers.”
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2026-02-04 12:15