Coinbase Just Turned Bitcoin into a $1B ATM 🎉💸

by

Well, slap my wallet and call me impressed! Coinbase has somehow managed to turn Bitcoin into a piggy bank, and lo and behold, it’s already hit the $1 billion mark in onchain loans. Yes, you read that right-$1 billion. That’s more zeros than a mathematician’s nightmare. 🤑

Apparently, people are so desperate to keep their Bitcoin (because, you know, HODL or whatever) that they’re using it as collateral to borrow USDC. Enter Morpho, the DeFi wizard behind the curtain, making this financial magic happen since January. Who needs a bank when you’ve got a blockchain, right? 🧙‍♂️✨

$0 → $1B challenge complete.

One billion dollars of onchain loans have been generated through Coinbase, using BTC as collateral. Powered by @MorphoLabs.

– Coinbase 🛡️ (@coinbase) September 30, 2025

Brian Armstrong, Coinbase’s CEO, is practically doing a victory lap on X (formerly Twitter, because why not rename everything?). “Next goal: $100B,” he chirped, because why stop at a measly billion? “Hockey stick growth,” he added, which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re printing money over here.” 🏒💰

Borrowing Limits: Because Why Not?

Initially, Coinbase let users borrow up to $100,000 in USDC. Cute. By April, they’d already hit $130 million in activity, so they bumped it to $1 million. Now? They’re throwing caution to the wind and letting users borrow up to $5 million per loan. Because if you’re going to go big, why not go *ridiculously* big? 🚀

“The onchain economy is growing, so we’re growing with it,” Coinbase said, which roughly translates to, “We’re riding this wave until it crashes-or doesn’t.” 🌊

How Does This Sorcery Work?

Here’s the gist: You hand over your Bitcoin, Coinbase wraps it in a shiny cbBTC bow (for free, mind you), and then Morpho waves its DeFi wand and poof! USDC appears in your account. Just keep your collateral ratio above 133%, or else-*gasp*-liquidation. Oh, and interest rates? They change with every block on Base. Because stability is overrated. 🎩🐇

No minimum payments, no fixed deadlines-just don’t let your loan-to-value ratio get too spicy. And while Bitcoin’s the only collateral now, Coinbase promises more assets are coming. Because why stop at one cryptocurrency when you can have a whole buffet? 🍴

So there you have it. Bitcoin isn’t just for hodling anymore-it’s a ticket to the onchain credit party. And Coinbase? They’re the hosts with the most. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see if my dog’s NFT collection can get me a loan. 🐶🖼️

Read More

2025-10-01 15:33