So. Coinbase just spent $25 million-yes, twenty-five million clams-to resurrect a podcast that literally died as a joke. Because apparently, when you’re a multi-billion-dollar crypto exchange, “what’s the ROI?” is no longer a thing you say out loud.
Let me set the scene: the UpOnly podcast – crypto’s equivalent of that one chaotic group chat you can’t leave – wrapped up months ago. But Cobie, the internet’s resident crypto philosopher-shaman, dropped a mystical NFT like it was the One Ring and declared: “When this is burned, the podcast returns. Until then, PEASANT, LEAVE ME.” (Slight paraphrase. But emotionally accurate.)
OK I am no longer the decision maker on if Up Only returns.
The power is now stored within this NFT that I just minted. When the NFT is burned, the podcast will restart.
Until then, please leave me alone.
– Cobie (@cobie) May 7, 2025
Everyone laughed. We all had a chuckle. “Sure, Jan,” we whispered into our cold brews. “Sell me eight new episodes for $20M and I’ll hand over my dignity, my assets, and my firstborn.”
Enter: Coinbase.
Not only did they actually buy the damn NFT… they overpaid by $5 million. Like, “I’ll take the red convertible, and throw in an extra grand for the air freshener shaped like a pine tree” levels of extra.
No sponsorship rights. No creative control. Not even a sweet discount on merch. Just eight new episodes and the vague threat of being mocked on-air by men who wear leather jackets in back-to-back YouTube thumbnails. Still. They sent the receipt. 💳🔥
Jordan Fish, co-host and professional eye-roller, responded with the only appropriate emoji:
đź’€
– Cobie (@cobie) October 20, 2025
And honestly? Same. đź’€
Look, no one expected this to be a real transaction. This wasn’t Kickstarter, this was a burn-the-NFT-or-the-podcast-stays-dead cult ritual. And yet… here we are. Podcast coming back. Coinbase flexing like, “We don’t need functionality – we have narrative.”
Distraction Tactics, But Make It Crypto
Oh, and speaking of narrative – funny story. Turns out, Coinbase’s entire premium trading platform just melted into a digital puddle because AWS had a bad day. People are staring at zero balances. Traders are weeping into their mechanical keyboards. And Coinbase’s response?
“Here, have a $25M podcast comeback tour!” 🎉
That’s right. Instead of updates on why Base looks like dial-up on a bad Wi-Fi day, the entire crypto Twittersphere is yakking about a resurrected podcast and who gets to say “wen airdrop” first.
Genius? Or corporate gaslighting at its finest? 🤔
Either way, $25M to change the subject? For a company this size, that’s less than the catering budget at a quarterly meeting. And hey – maybe they even get a guest spot! As long as the hosts don’t spend the whole episode screaming “YOUR APP IS DOWN” into the mic.
But seriously. This NFT stunt? Pure comedy. Absolute farce. And somehow, everyone won. Even the people whose tokens vanished into the void. (Sorry, not sorry.)
Can’t wait for Season 4: “We’re Back, and We Have No Idea Why Either.” 🍿
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2025-10-21 03:02