Crypto News

Apparently, 2023 decided to be Larsen’s year-what a shock!-with Ripple’s fortunes soaring faster than a cricket on a summer day. Thanks to a blessing of regulatory goodwill amidst the SEC’s five-year game of hide and seek, Larsen’s wallet has swollen to over $15 billion. It’s almost as if cryptocurrency, that mysterious beast, had a good day for once, especially since the SEC packed up and went home-probably to sip expensive champagne and wonder what all the fuss was about. 🍾

Now, rewrite each section. Start with the Markets paragraph. Then the bullet points. Use phrases like “What to know” as in the original but with a more formal tone. For example, “What to know: (A list of items, each rephrased in Austen’s style)”.

Meanwhile, the global economy is squirming like a kid in a too-tight suit. Damages are stacking up faster than your neighbor’s recycling bin. Yet, our beloved politicians remain locked in a staring contest worthy of a daytime soap opera.

In a move that left both entrepreneurs and stray dogs equally excited, Karnataka has decided to cement its reputation as India’s innovation hub-or, as some might call it, the place where dreams go to get stuck in traffic. The state cabinet, presumably after a hearty lunch, approved the Karnataka Start-Up Policy for 2025-2030, flinging Rs 518.27 crore at the problem like a tipsy uncle scattering cash at a wedding.

😂 Oh, Solana (SOL), you\’re at it again! Started a fresh decline below the $165 pivot zone, and now you\’re trying to recover, but those pesky hurdles near the $165 zone are still getting in the way 🚧.

Elixir, in a proclamation upon the hallowed halls of X, declared that a staggering 80% of the faithful holders of deUSD have been redeemed, triggering a most lamentable depegging to a mere 1.5 cents, as per the sage data of CoinGecko. 📊📉

If the ETFs keep the dosh flowing and the technical indicators don’t go all wobbly, SOL might just give $200 a jolly good run for its money. Fingers crossed, what? 📈🤞

In Schwab’s flashy new report, ETFs and Beyond-because nothing says financial insight like pretending you’re introducing a franchise reboot-52% of investors said they’re eyeing US equities, the sensible choice, like wearing socks with sandals because at least your feet are covered. But crypto ETFs and bond ETFs each snagged 45%, placing them in a very awkward financial photo finish. It’s like discovering your rebellious teenage nephew and your accountant uncle are tied in a limbo contest at a family reunion. One’s doing backflips; the other’s slowly lowering himself while muttering about compound interest.

Bitcoin, that most fickle of paramours, hovered around $101,000 as the Hong Kong trading day began, while CryptoQuant, that Cassandra of crypto, warned the market has turned “extremely bearish.” How novel. 🐆

As if one initiative were not enough, the UNDP is simultaneously launching a multitude of blockchain education pursuits aimed at different demographics. The latest venture, thriving with excitement, is tailored for government officials and policymakers who delight in crafting and executing laws-a delightful departure from its predecessor which was dedicated to educating UN staff members since 2024. 🏛️