The Series A Perpetual Stream Preferred Stock (STRE), priced at 80 euros ($92.50) per share, will raise 608.8 million euros. These funds will, of course, be used to “accumulate Bitcoin and for general corporate purposes.” A charmingly vague list of priorities, akin to a poet saying they’ll use their inheritance for “ink and existential dread.” Settlement is slated for Nov. 13, which feels ominously specific.
Ah, yes, JPMorgan Chase & Co (JPM) has graced the digital asset world once more, increasing its stake in the iShares Bitcoin Trust ETF (IBIT) by a staggering 64.26%, according to the sacred data sources of Fintel. And let’s not forget, this gem of a move was made public with their latest 13F-HR filing dated November 7th. What an announcement! Now they hold 5,284,190 shares, worth approximately $343.47 million. A true symbol of fiscal discipline.
Compared to the paltry 3,217,056 shares they were hoarding in their August filing (worth only $302.57 million, I dare say), this represents a most spectacular rise. The bankers, in their great benevolence, are sharing their secret thoughts with us. How magnanimous!
But wait, it gets better. The filing also includes the bank’s highly insightful opinion: Bitcoin’s fair value could soar to $170,000. Yes, you read that right. The world-renowned financial geniuses at JPMorgan have deemed it so, based on their most sophisticated and time-honored method: the gold parity valuation model. Surely this model is unassailable. Who needs common sense when you have models and big words? 🧐
And as the grand finale, IBIT’s stock price ticked up by a modest 1.5% on the day, trading at a mere $58 per share. Meanwhile, Bitcoin itself crept over the $102,000 mark, as though it were just another walk in the park for a cryptocurrency that is “totally stable” and “a sound long-term investment.” Who knew? 😏
The Facts, Laid Bare as a Siberian Winter
Netflow of +27.3B SHIB? Sure, that’s a “bullish signal” if you’re counting how many times you’ve yelled “I’m holding!” at your screen. But let’s be real-589T SHIB in circulation? That’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack made of glitter. 🌟💸
But fear not, darlings! Despite this little tantrum, the analysts-those ever-so-clever chaps-are sipping their martinis and eyeing a rather large technical setup. 🕵️♂️ Could it be a long-term shift in trend? One can only hope, my loves! 🌟
The streak, which had been clinging to life like a penguin on thin ice, finally snapped. After six days of weeping red, U.S. spot bitcoin ETFs roared back with inflows that would make a high-society auction house weep into their sherry. Ether funds followed suit, while solana’s ascent was as steady as Jeeves polishing a monocle.
Solana leads in pp revenue (that’s “protocol profit,” not the other thing, though we won’t judge if you snickered). Ethereum, which once strutted around like it owned the joint (and briefly did, during Q1 2024 when it made more than Robinhood, Etsy, and your Aunt Karen’s candle business combined), now sulks in the corner with a “How did I get here?” vibe.
Ethereum’s not faring much better, hovering around $3,217 like it’s waiting for a bus that’s never coming. 🚏 The CoinDesk 5 and CoinDesk 20 indexes are down 3% in the last 24 hours, because apparently, everyone’s decided to play it safe. Yawn. 😴 Traders are acting like they’ve just seen a ghost, avoiding risky moves like it’s a contagious disease. 👻
BTC, ever the melodramatic diva, gasped in horror at its 2.48% plunge to $101,290, only to stage a last-minute comeback like a B-movie action hero. Now it lounges at $102,344, sipping metaphorical espresso and pondering its next identity crisis. 🎭
In this grand theater of commerce, Google, ever the diligent steward of knowledge, prepares to marry the chaotic murmurs of prediction markets with the cold precision of its financial tools. A union, one might say, of the irrational and the rational, of the heart and the mind. Users, those restless seekers of truth, shall now wander through the labyrinth of crowd-driven forecasts, pondering the economic and political destinies that await us all. 🧙♂️✨
