Jurisdictions are busy building their own Maginot Lines, protecting against front-door risks like money laundering and market manipulation. But guess what? The real threats are sneaking in through the back door, and not every regulator even has a back door policy. 🏰🚪
Acting Chairman Caroline Pham, with all the seriousness of a cat contemplating a mouse, announced with a sly smile that this move aims to “make America the crypto capital of the world.” Because nothing says ‘trustworthy’ quite like trusting Uncle Sam with your digital treasure chest, right? And perhaps, just perhaps, providing traders with safer, more transparent markets-though the line between transparency and spectacle remains ever blurred. 🕵️♀️💼
So get this: AltPlus is setting up a whole division to buy and hold Bitcoin and XRP. You can just picture them in a boardroom, hashing this out. “You know what we need? MORE crypto.” It’s like a treasure hunt, but for blockchain enthusiasts. Their plan? Capital strategy supported by blockchain transparency, a shaky regulatory environment, and the institutional acceptance of these digital assets. Big words, right? And let’s not forget that Bitcoin and XRP are scarce, decentralized, and FAST. It’s like they’re describing a Ferrari of finance here-if Ferraris were, you know, digital assets. Oh, and don’t forget the low-cost transactions-because that’s exactly what you want when you’re moving billions around.
Some whisper that this retracement below $90k was but a cyclical reset, a necessary purgatory before the bear market claws its way back into our lives. A drawdown, they say, is inevitable. But what if-oh, the audacity of hope!-this was not the end? What if, instead, it marked the bottom, as it did in April, when the world briefly remembered how to laugh? 😂
Harborne, a Brit currently basking in Thai sunsets (or perhaps fleeing them), has a history of throwing cash at parties like confetti at a royal wedding. He once funded Boris Johnson’s Conservatives and later backed the Brexit Party, now rebranded as Reform UK. One might call it loyalty; we’ll call it a midlife crisis with a 401(k).
At a fancy-shmancy event in New York, Rick waggishly announced that Schwab plans to start playing with spot crypto trading in the first half of 2026. Yep, they’ll test the waters with their loyal employees and a select few clients – just enough to make you jealous. And if all goes well? The whole kit and caboodle will be open to everyone who has a Schwab account. 🎲
Apparently, owning Bitcoin now comes with a side of “potential kidnapping and arson.” Authorities say the victim, 21-year-old Danylo K. (son of a Ukrainian deputy mayor), was abducted, forced to cough up his digital wallet passcodes, and then roasted like a marshmallow in his own car. Classy. 🍢💸
Brad Garlinghouse, Ripple’s resident crypto wizard, recently spilled tea that Bitcoin could hit $180k by 2026. His reasoning? The US is no longer a regulatory nightmare. For years, this 22% GDP titan dragged crypto into legal purgatory with its bureaucratic jiu-jitsu. Now? Cue confetti ETFs are the new glitter, and institutions are finally joining the party like it’s 2015. 🎉
Taiwan’s 2026 stablecoin rollout isn’t just a local upgrade-it’s the next step in humanity’s collective delusion that we’ve mastered money. State-backed digital cash: because nothing says “trust” like a government and a blockchain. 🧾
