Crypto News

Enter Mantra’s CEO, John Patrick Mullin, the man with a plan, a post, and a very firm opinion about OKX’s recent message about token migration. His message, delivered on the ever-reliable platform X, ranged from politely suggesting users “consider” withdrawing their OM tokens (because, you know, peer pressure works) to outright telling them to cut their “dependency” on OKX-like breaking up with a partner who’s been secretly sneaking your snacks behind your back.

Pi Coin (PI), once a gleaming pearl in the crypto oyster, has now dulled to $0.2200, its lowest since November 16th, and a staggering ~23% below its November 28th peak. It remains a shadow of its former self, far from its all-time high. 🌑

According to this oracle of the digital realm, supported by charts as dusty as a Waugh novel, altcoins have historically performed their most dazzling feats not after Bitcoin’s grand finale, but during its triumphant ascent. How quaint! The charts, no doubt scribbled with the precision of a Victorian accountant, reveal that the timing of Bitcoin’s surge is the key to this farcical ballet. Who knew the crypto world was such a stickler for punctuality? ⏳

For example, the first paragraph: “The Quantum panic made another round this week…” becomes “Ah, the quantum panic returns, with its doomsday clock ticking like a fickle lover! 🧠💸 ‘Bitcoin keys could be cracked by 2028,’ they cry, while Samson Mow, the man who once dared to bet $1 million on BTC, smirks and says, ‘Fear not, dear citizens!'”

According to an X post from the exchange, Binance’s eagle-eyed audit team received a tip-off alleging the employee’s unscrupulous behavior. The audacious so-and-so allegedly posted from the official account in what can only be described as a lightning-fast move-less than a minute after the token launched. Honestly, one can only wonder if the man was on caffeine, or perhaps something a bit stronger. 🔍

Behold, the tale of AiMan, who once worshipped Bitcoin’s glow but now kneels before XRP’s legal “clarity.” A court ruling, he claims, has crowned XRP king-though one wonders if it’s a crown of thorns or a mere trinket. 🕍⚖️

Now, let’s rewind to May 2022, when the BCRA slammed the brakes on crypto trading by banks faster than a sudden stop on the Buenos Aires subway. Their reasoning? Oh, just the usual-risks to users and the financial system. You know, the same risks that come with, say, lending money to a friend named “Dave” who’s always “just about to pay you back.” 💸

In a post that crackled with excitement, DogeMemeGirl revealed Tesla’s backend is undergoing a metamorphosis, a “massive” shift from its old, dormant state, which only dared to touch Tesla merch. Now, the code slithers into the heart of vehicle checkout, hiding “order with Dogecoin” buttons like a squirrel hoarding nuts. 🐿️

Imagine the scene: Coinbase, once the darling of digital adventurers, now limping back into India’s market-this time with a limited repertoire-crypto-to-crypto trading only. Yep, the INR jugular remains unplugged, probably waiting for 2026 to get a full Italian dinner of fiat integration-because why rush when you can savor the suspense? Think of it as a teaser trailer for a blockbuster that’s still being written.

What truths lie beneath the shimmering surface?