Crypto News

Using some fancy tools like TradingView chart data, Glassnode’s on-chain metrics, and L2Beat’s Layer 2 throughput stats (because who doesn’t like to overcomplicate things?), we see that Ethereum is, in fact, making some progress. We’re talking better block capacity, lower fees, and faster transaction speeds. Whoa, slow down there, Ethereum, are you trying to get us excited or something?

In a podcast with the ever-loquacious Anthony Pompliano, Guillén addressed the critiques linking the pardon to Binance’s dalliances with World Liberty Financial and other Trump-adjacent entities. How tiresome, these connections drawn with the precision of a bored society matron’s embroidery. 🧵

Glassnode, those modern-day soothsayers, whisper of an imminent “death cross”-a term as ominous as a tax audit in hell. Yet here lies the irony: this crossroads, this technical omen, may be less a harbinger of doom than a sardonic wink from the market gods. 😈

By Shayan (who’s clearly a wizard with a calculator and a cup of existential dread)

Burak Kesmeci, that modern-day soothsayer of the markets, took to the digital agora of X to proclaim his vision. With charts as his parchment and indicators as his quill, he sketched a future where Bitcoin might soar to $110,000-or, in a twist of irony, plummet to $85,000. Such is the drama of the crypto realm, where every rise is shadowed by the specter of fall. 🎭

Behold the daredevil trader, who, with a flourish of madness, opened a $196 million leveraged short basket across BTC, XRP, and ZEC. A 40x BTC, 20x XRP, and 10x ZEC combo-because why have a safety net when you can have a straight plunge into the abyss? This isn’t trading; it’s a suicide note written in candlestick charts. 📉💔

Ripple’s beloved (or dreaded, depending on your mood) cross-border token thought, “Hey, I might escape unscathed,” only to realize it was just another day in crypto. Its losses played it cool-more like a slightly bruised superhero after a mild attempted assault-probably helped by the shiny new spot XRP ETF in the US put forth by Canary Capital. Because nothing says “investment opportunity” like launching new financial products during a market tantrum.

AJ, ever the mystery man, refused to spill the exact beans on how much he’s investing, leaving us all to wonder if it’s enough to buy a small island-or just a fancy yacht. The rest of the investor list? A cryptic riddle wrapped in a Bitcoin block. 🤷♂️

The vague promises include adjectives like “wallet-friendly” (read: won’t break the bank, unlike your last NFT purchase), “useful” (debatable, like a screen door on a submarine), and “unmistakably SHIB” (which honestly just means it’s probably covered in doggo memes).

According to the ever-watchful eyes of Lookonchain, Hayes, in a flurry of transactions, cast aside his altcoin treasures like a tsar discarding yesterday’s caviar. In a mere handful of hours, he unburdened himself of 520 ETH, 2.62M ENA, and 132,730 ETHFI. A modest sum, one might say, for a man of his stature-a mere $2.5 million, give or take a kopeck. 💸