Now, the numbers don’t lie, though they occasionally fib through their teeth. The DXY, poor blighter, took a 9.4% tumble in 2025, its worst show since it last tripped over its own shoelaces eight years ago. And 2026? Well, it’s off to a ripping start, down 2.23% already. One can almost hear it muttering, “Carry on, mustn’t grumble.”
Dubbed “My Bank,” the new contraption is slated for a February debut, according to CEO Ben Zhou, who announced the offering during a Jan. 29 online keynote. If that calendar don’t bear false witness, we may be in for a sight that would tickle a man’s whiskers and empty his pockets at the same time.
At the last reckoning, the price stood at $88,218, a decrease of 1.2% in the past rotation of the Earth. It has momentarily retreated from the ephemeral support of short-term trends, all during this prolonged untangling. Over the past week, it’s been oscillating between $86,319 and $90,475, a rather unremarkable dance. A humbling 2% decline for the week, and a rather pointed 30% below the heights reached in the distant October of 2025, the peak of a brief, electric fever.
OpenAI rumors and mystery platforms ignite a flurry of activity. Because nothing says “trust” like unverified tech scandals and billion-dollar fantasies, right? Widgets (volume? Active addresses?) didn’t blink during the 800% volume spike. Spoiler: It was probably 3 bots arguing in a Zoom room. Santiment’s data confirms it-retail participation is about as exciting as a tax audit and a damp sock.
SEI took a nosedive only to realize it might have thrown the towel a bit soon. It rebounded with elegance, or at least that’s what they’re telling us at the circus that is altcoin market…
UNDER EMBARGO UNTIL 29TH JANUARY, 10 AM GST (aka, don’t tell your mom yet)
In a report released on Wednesday-because, of course, bad news always arrives midweek-the firm noted that Bitcoin’s “supply in loss” metric has decided to climb back up. This, my dear, has historically been the harbinger of those oh-so-dreadful bear markets. Mon dieu!
Oh, the times we live in! For BlackRock proposes to see Bitcoin, that frolicsome enigma, as a standard bearer in the portfolio. A recent filing, much akin to a cryptic scroll, proposes the conversion of Bitcoin’s temperamental vaulting into regular, dependable surges of cash. Abandoning the revelations of mere price hikes, BlackRock chooses to harness its volatility. For the traditional investor, it whispers: Bitcoin is no longer a mere harbinger of growth but something akin to a stable income breadwinner.
The rollout was confirmed on January 28, after a December launch that was as exclusive as a country club with a “no flip-flops” policy. Now, anyone with a pulse and a Wi-Fi connection can join the fun.
Ethereum, like Bitcoin – because they apparently copy each other’s homework – briefly pretended to be stable above $2,880. It cleared some resistance levels, like it was clearing a cluttered desk, before hitting that $3,000 mark. Then the bears showed up, which, let’s be real, they always show up. A high of $3,040 was achieved. Briefly. Then came the decline, because drama.