The land of the rising sun witnesses today a seismic shift of legislative intent. Its mighty regulators, with an eloquent flourish of bureaucratic might, plan to extricate our whimsical cryptocurrencies from the cozy embrace of payment regimes. Instead, they propose placing them under the stern gaze of securities laws!
According to Valora CEO Jackie Bona, the acquisition will see the Valora team join Stripe and work on the firm’s blockchain initiatives. Because nothing says “innovation” like a team of crypto experts joining a payments giant. 🤔
They’re sayin’ these banks ‘made inappropriate distinctions’. In simpler terms? They picked and chose who they’d do business with, based on what those folks did, not whether they were payin’ their bills. Mercy me! Like decidin’ your neighbor’s business is none of your concern, then refusin’ to sell him sugar for his tea! They either made things mighty difficult or subjected folks to inspections fit for a king’s ransom, all without a lick of explanation.
Should Bitcoin break through the first short liquidation zone, brace yourselves for a wild ride. Momentum could send it straight into the second zone, where prices may soar to psychological levels-before cooling down, of course. It’s like waiting for the final act in a play, where everything hangs in the balance!
Bitcoin spiked above $94,000 like a caffeinated squirrel on roller skates 🐿️💸 and then promptly face-planted as Fed Chair Jerome Powell delivered a masterclass in fence-sitting. The man could make a waffle iron feel decisive.
Just days after Yi He ascended to co-CEO, the villains struck with the timing of a well-rehearsed symphony. This allowed the deceitful posts to masquerade as wise counsel from a crypto oracle. Poor Yi He, now the accidental spokesperson for a token that probably smells like burnt toast and regret, had to explain on X (formerly Twitter) that her account had been “abandoned long ago” and was now “seized for use.” One wonders if the hackers sent her a thank-you note for the free advertising.
With the media’s “hawkish” framing of the cut, Bitcoin’s price action now resembles a toddler refusing to leave the playground: it may sell on the news but will likely remain trapped in a range until someone invents a new momentum driver, probably involving glitter and self-driving cars. 🚗✨
This is the third consecutive cut of this year. It brings the target federal funds rate down to around 3.50 %-3.75 %. A rate so low, it’s practically a discount on existential dread. 🤯
Today XRP lingers near $2.06, nudging upward by 0.43% as if shyly testing its strength. The market hums with more than $4 billion in trading volume, a chorus of retail dreamers and tireless algorithms weaving their fates together. XRP hovers just above that psychological $2 threshold – a thin line between hope and hesitation.
Beyond staking, the partnership has unveiled a secret portal for remittances. TRON, the heavyweight of stablecoin sorcery, processes mountains of daily transfers. Revolut plans to ride this magical wave for lightning-fast, low-cost cross-border spells. 🌟⚡
