Crypto News

• Market gurus are practically salivating over the 99% chance of a 25-basis-point rate cut happening sooner than you can say “economic stimulus.” 📊
• The U.S.-China trade drama added some spice to the volatility stew, nudging risk-seekers into crypto’s arms because, why not? 🌶️💞
• Some market analyst, named Dom (or maybe it’s Don), pointed out a jaw-dropping +10M XRP buy in 15 minutes like it was something magical. 🧙‍♂️
• Technically speaking, one side of town is having nightmares about weekly bearish divergence, while another group is setting their sights on $4.50 as if it’s a new coffee shop in town.

As the astute analyst from CryptoQuant, donned with the somewhat whimsical moniker “caueconomy,” remarked on Friday, “The trend of reducing exposure by significant players in the Bitcoin realm intensifies, sweeping along the largest distribution of coins we have witnessed this year.” Ah, such poetry! How easily they regard the fate of others while contemplating their own riches!

In late July, the coin flirted with destiny, bottoming near $1.90 before a valiant rally to $3.66. So close, yet so far from the promised land of $4! But like a worker’s strike fizzling out, the bullish trend faded in August, leaving XRP languishing in the $2.70 zone. The irony? Even digital currency can’t escape the chains of market cycles. ⛓️

Analysts, those modern-day soothsayers, mused that this crescendo of activity was no accident. Volatility, that old temptress, had returned with a vengeance, particularly in Bitcoin, which danced between $113,350 and $107,500 like a lovesick fool. Hedge funds, their mustaches twitching with glee, returned to the fray, while open interest swelled like a poet’s sigh-proof that this was no mere liquidity-driven mirage, but a symphony of new positions. Derivatives, it seems, had become the belle of the ball, spot trading left to sulk in the shadows. 🎭

The Kinto Network, a noble endeavor built upon the robust foundation of Arbitrum and anchored by the venerable Ethereum, sought to harmonize the efficiency of centralized exchanges with the unwavering security of decentralization. It even ventured into the realm of tokenized stock trading, offering the likes of Apple and Microsoft to its eager investors. However, despite these lofty aspirations, Kinto found itself ensnared in the relentless web of financial and security woes, ultimately leading to its demise.

USELESS Coin [USELESS] continued its reign as the top BONK [BONK] ecosystem token, with social sentiment still elevated. LunarCrush data showed social activity rose to 0.15% of all crypto chatter. 🗣️

XRP has stirred the financial pot like a stubborn farmer in a drought. Polymarket, that soothsayer of prediction markets, now bets 94% the SEC will approve a spot XRP ETF in 2025. That’s up from 86.8% in August-because nothing says “confidence” like betting 94% of your life savings on a regulatory gamble. 🤔

The Bitcoin Office, in their most flamboyant X post, boasted about the country’s Bitcoin strategic reserve, now a hefty 6,313 BTC, worth more than $702 million-enough to buy every chocolate bar in the world, twice! They also announced a new banking law that lets BTC investment banks cater to those fancy-pants sophisticated investors. 🏦💰

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Our charming crypto raconteur, Armando Pantoja, took to the grand stage of X (formerly Twitter for those who blinked) to proclaim that property markets might just be the secret passageway to XRP’s skyward ascent. He even dared to whisper a number that makes one raise an eyebrow in disbelief-$79 per XRP-courtesy of blockchain’s enchanting makeover of the housing scene. 🏡💃