Crypto News

The market’s somnolent state follows the recent revelation of a weaker-than-forecast U.S. jobs report. August nonfarm payrolls, a mere 22,000 positions, fell far short of expectations, sparking dreams of rate cuts and sending Treasury yields into a tailspin. Equities, ever the opportunists, seized the moment and soared. Yet, crypto traders, ever the skeptics, remain on tenterhooks, their eyes fixed on Thursday’s CPI release and the European Central Bank’s impending rate decision-two events poised to dictate the mood of global risk assets.

But wait, there’s more! The real magic

Bull Theory, that esteemed oracle of market whims, whispers that the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) shall soon perform its annual ritual. The script? A tale of two mandates: tame inflation to 2% and ensure employment remains as robust as a marzipan soufflé. A task as delicate as balancing a teacup on a quivering chin! 🫖

It’s the gala! Validators are due to consummate their decisions come September 14. Still, in all honesty, it appears Hyperliquid abstains from influencing this deliberation.

MYX Finance has captured the collective imagination of traders and analysts alike, much like a scandalous rumor at a country ball. Its dramatic surge in price and trading volumes can be attributed to a confluence of factors, not least the impending V2 protocol upgrade. This upgrade promises zero-slippage trading, enhanced cross-chain functionality, and a smoother user experience-features so enticing they might tempt even Mr. Darcy himself to part with his fortune. 🤑

XRP stayed strong above $2.850, shoved Bitcoin and Ethereum aside like a boss, and climbed over $2.880 and $2.90 resistance levels. Take that, financial drama!

Since its September 1st flirtation with $9.25, Official Trump [TRUMP] has been trapped in a financial waltz, trading between $8.1 and $8.5. How utterly tedious! Over the past week, the memecoin has been as stagnant as a Coward play’s second act-all talk and no action. 🕺

On a seemingly ordinary day of September 8, 2025, Nasdaq, like some audacious Prometheus, delivered unto the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission a petition, petition, a plea, if you will, to permit tokenized securities to frolic alongside traditional stocks on the Nasdaq Stock Market. In the aftermath, Tal Cohen, Nasdaq’s president and a man burdened by the weight of both hope and duty, pontificated on Linkedin, extolling the virtues of melding blockchain’s lightning pace with investor “safeguards.” How quaint!

But wait, there’s more! Chainalysis is now tracking over 260,000 XRPL tokens, including IOUs, NFTs, and something called MPTs (which I’m pretty sure stands for “Make Payments Tedious”). Fresh tokens are being added daily, because why not? It’s almost like they’re trying to make blockchain even more complicated than it already is. 😅

Picture it: a motley crew of cyberbums snuck into the NPM account of a prominent developer (do give the poor fellow a stiff brandy) and, with the subtlest sleight of hand, sluiced malware into libraries upon which the world’s apps depend. Stardom at last-all for the price of a well-placed bit of malicious code! 😏