Crypto News

In the annals of fiscal misery, Protocol Guild, that independent Harlequin of funding, has bared the bruised wallets of Ethereum’s sanctified code-conjurers. These wizards, custodians of digital sorcery, find themselves pocketing a pittance-half, or thereabouts-of what shiny-eyed recruiters proffer. The report, a lament in ledger form, confirms what every disillusioned developer knew but dared not tweet: they’re paid like paupers at a techno-feast.

Ah, behold the classic chart pattern-the inverse head-and-shoulders-that dares to dream of $170,000 to $360,000 in this cycle. Because what’s life without a little optimism and some technical mumbo-jumbo?

The U.S. Consumer Price Index (CPI) for August 2025 has risen by 2.9% year-over-year-the highest since January. Shockingly, this matches what economists predicted. Core CPI, which ignores food and energy prices because they’re too “moody,” stayed steady at 3.1%. No surprises there, just like your uncle’s annual Thanksgiving monologue.

For the past 30 days, Bitcoin has been on a rollercoaster, climbing to a dizzying $124,000 before taking a nosedive to around $112,000. September, historically the dullest month for crypto, is living up to its reputation this year too. 😩

Figure Technologies, a blockchain-focused lending platform founded by SoFi co-founder Mike Cagney, has priced its initial public offering at $25 per share, which would raise $787.5 million. Not bad for a day’s work, eh? 😏

The on-chain data, that most reliable of scribes, reveals that this breakout rally is fed by the murmurs of social media, a cacophony of voices, and a surge in network activity. The technical indicators, those steadfast advisors, confirm the presence of a bullish tempest, suggesting that the token may yet ascend further. 🧠📈

The analysts-the modern-day soothsayers-predict a 0.3% monthly rise in CPI. This would raise the annual rate from 2.7% in July to 2.9% in August. No big deal, right? Just a little nudge. Or is it? Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

PayPal’s PYUSD, that dollar-backed stablecoin, isn’t just a sidekick anymore-it’s the belle of the Ethereum ball, sipping champagne while ETH does the heavy lifting. Supply? It’s not just climbing, it’s moonwalking to $1 billion! Who knew crypto could be this… polished? 🎩

The Sui Network, a dazzling new star on the 2025 blockchain stage, springs forth from Mysten Labs’ creative vortex. Their latest acts include Seal, a private on-chain whisperer; Walrus, the hoarder of decentralized secrets; and Deepbook, a trader’s delight.

And thus, we find ourselves at the dawn of an era where even the newest, naïve child of the digital cosmos-Hyperliquid’s native token-claims a berth within the purview of esteemed financial soothsayers. A curious endeavour indeed, presenting itself as the youngest and perhaps most quixotic candidate for such exalted status.