Crypto News

Ah, Bitcoin, the granddaddy of crypto, still trucking along like a stubborn mule. In 2025, it broke the pattern but not the cycle, reaching new heights in Q4, only to leave us wondering: is the 4-year cycle still alive and kicking? Well, it’s a bit like the Discworld’s Great A’Tuin – it may seem predictable, but there’s always a chance it’ll take a sudden turn and leave us all scrambling. With institutional investors entering the fray, the cycle might soften, but don’t be surprised if it still shapes the market’s timing and sentiment. After all, as they say, “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme,” and in the world of crypto, that rhyme can be a real doozy.

Alas, dear readers, this dance is not without its perils! Analysts caution that this temporary jubilation is but a momentary relief, much like a puff of air escaping a punctured balloon, as the crypto markets prepare themselves for a veritable storm of macroeconomic and policy-related thunderclouds looming ominously on the horizon.

In a tweet that could only be described as a masterclass in understatement, CZ noted that “very few trading strategies” can beat the ol’ “buy and hold” approach. He even threw in a disclaimer-“not financial advice”-which, let’s be honest, is the internet equivalent of shouting “fire” in a crowded theater and then whispering “just kidding.” Naturally, the critics pounced like cats on a laser pointer.

This early step is akin to laying the groundwork for a grand ball, where the main event-an ETF linked to Uniswap-may someday unfold, though at present, it remains confined to the shadows of legal anticipation.
ICONIC SYMBOL: UNI $4.83

According to Reuters, Tether’s gold-buying spree in the fourth quarter of 2025 was just slightly more extravagant than its third-quarter haul of 26 tons. Because, you know, why stop at 26 when you can go for 27? It’s like ordering a pizza with 7 toppings and then realizing you could’ve had 8. Poland’s central bank, the leading global gold hoarder, only managed 35 tons in the same period. Tether’s CEO Paolo Ardoino quipped, “We are operating at a scale that now places the Tether Gold Investment Fund alongside sovereign gold holders, and that carries real responsibility.” Yes, Paolo, the responsibility of explaining why you’re stockpiling gold like it’s the end of the world.

The announcement, delivered with all the drama of a second-rate soap opera, came via social channels from the team and their CEO. Users, my dear readers, were given a fleeting moment to rescue their precious creations from the sinking ship. Reports suggest the platform will fade into obscurity in stages, like a forgotten cocktail party guest.

This development eased the macro market uncertainty, but the Bitcoin price trend remains bearish. Because nothing says “recovery” like a 3.74% jump that’s still 80% below its all-time high. A true testament to human resilience.

Since the early days of Mr. Trump’s presidency, a steep tariff on Chinese imports has assembled an economic barricade around the United States. The Chinese, ever so pragmatic, have countered by recalibrating their export strategies. They have cleverly diversified their export portfolio, turning their attention to nations beyond our Western gaze, leaving us in a state of economic bewilderment.

With it, Ethereum rehearses a pivot in the grand economy of artificial minds, as though the ballroom of commerce has learned a new and dangerously persuasive waltz.

The latest illustration of this scarcely surprising phenomenon is the launch of VanEck’s U.S. spot Avalanche [AVAX] ETF. A venture, it transpires, greeted with something resembling indifference, judging by its frankly pathetic showing of zero inflows and a mere $330,000 in trading volume. One shudders to think of the marketing budget involved.