Crypto News

The market may still have room for growth despite being in the late stage of the bull run, according to BitMEX Founder Arthur Hayes. 🤡

This isn’t mere happenstance. Targeted family offices and asset managers-the venerable guardians of inherited fortunes-are being gently coaxed into the digital labyrinth. Cypher Capital, wielding its freshly acquired POL tokens like a newcomer flaunting his Soviet badges, pledges to sculpt investment strategies so elegant that even the bureaucrats of liquidity, compliance, and risk shall clap reluctantly in approval.

Fabio Plein, the fella over at Coinbase who knows the lay of the land, says this ain’t good news for the little guy-those small investors are about to feel the bite. But the big money? Oh, they’ll be snug as bugs in a rug.

With the assurance that only a true visionary can muster, Borovik shared these predictions on his magical X post, painting a picture where Bitcoin climbs a mind-boggling mountain to $896,503-yes, you heard it right, folks! And Ethereum might feel generous and stretch to $35,000! Why not throw in a BNB at $7,000 while we’re at it? What a splendid game of make-believe we find ourselves in! 🎩✨

Remember when Donald Trump did his March magic and signed an executive order setting up the grand idea of an SBR alongside a US Digital Asset Stockpile? Yeah, well – no one’s seen the deets yet. It’s like prepping a rave and forgetting to send the invites.

According to Arkham’s on-chain data, the wallet at address 0x15f4c13E0cA461e0ef23F6d35Bbeb5dCE2495879 has received a gift of 3,976 ETH-approximately $18 million-at a price of $4,756 per token. Looks like the hacker’s taste for luxury extends beyond just digital heists. 💸

Well, would you look at that? MemeCore snuck past $2.48 as if I’m some old guy whispering something unusual at a showing of MoMA which nobody listens to, except they do. At press time, it dipped back down to $2.21 – you know, like my sanity during a debate with Jeff. 🌊 And yet, it’s still as bullish as a horse just before it bucks you. Momentum, baby!

Cryptocurrency exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) decided on Sept. 10 to finally clarify its digital asset listing process-like a magician explaining their tricks mid-trick. Project teams, if you have the time to write a whitepaper, third-party audit, and your entire life story, go ahead and apply. Because nothing says “investor protection” like drowning in paperwork. 📄

These hoofbeats of hesitation prang on even after the landscape shuffled with the changing of mafiosos in high positions and Gary Gensler’s surprise departure. The pertinent question remains, why in tarnation? A steadfast soldier of the XRP brigades took a crack at unraveling this yarn.

“We are proud to be the company that has pioneered this technology and stand ready to defend it once again in a court of law,” a spokesperson for Kalshi chimed in, confident as a cat who has just found the last fishbone on his plate. “Prediction markets are a critical innovation of the 21st century, and all Americans should be able to access them,” Kalshi added, as if these were the most self-evident truths since gravity.