In a scroll dated December 16th (ye olde Gregorian calendar), the sage doth dissect Bitcoin’s daily stochastic RSI-a fickle harlot of indicators-now slinking from overbought decadence toward oversold despair. Forsooth, each such dalliance in recent moons hath begotten fresh lows in the price of virtue. Yet now, the stars align differently! A twist in the plot, dear spectators, bodes ill for Dogecoin’s aspiring bulls.
In a move that would make the Heart of Gold’s Infinite Improbability Drive blush, Bitcoin (BTC) staged a brief, dazzling rebound on Wednesday, reclaiming the $90,000 mark during early U.S. trading. Alas, like a bowl of petunias, it thought, “Oh no, not again,” and promptly plummeted back to Earth. The result? A $238 million liquidation party where both longs and shorts got the bill. 🎉💸
In this grand jeu de trust-and ah, what a play it is!-the mantra runs: “Ne fais confiance à personne, sauf au code.” One must not trust the bank, nor the government, but confide in the divine power of… bits and bytes, mes amis! Yet, notre cher Buterin, with the sagacity of a Socrate moderne, points du doigt une vérité douloureuse : si la code est si compliqué que même un homme de la rue ne peut le déchiffrer, alors il ne reste plus qu’à faire confiance à une poignée de génies éclairés. Imaginez cela! Un cercle élitiste de savants, qui, tels des sorciers, contrôlent tout, et la populace doit simplement baisser la tête et suivre comme des moutons… 🐑
And lo, the price plummeted below the sacred support zone of $0.85 to $0.9, a technical failure of epic proportions! The selling pressure, like a Tsar’s decree, was relentless, with no recovery in sight. 🧙♂️📉
Gavin Newsom‘s press release claims Trump’s clemency has been a one-way ticket for crypto crooks, while California, ever the paragon of virtue, champions blockchain innovation “with a side of consumer protection.” A bold claim, if you ask me, considering the Golden State’s own housing crisis could fill a library.
Oh, the irony! The exchange supply ratio has nosedived to 0.137, a number so small it could fit in a teacup. 🥄 And what do we find? Corporate titans, those paragons of wisdom, quietly amassing ETH like it’s the last bread in a famine. 🍞👑
On a most fortuitous Friday, December 12-an anniversary of both joy and despair-the illustrious Johndoeshib, the so-called Managing Engineer of the Blockchain, showered the community with a farewell that could only be described as cryptic poetry. With a flourish, he declared his tenure as reaching “a natural conclusion,” as if he were simply finishing a quite dull novel. Pride, he said, in the network’s utility, as if to suggest that a hero’s journey had ended, or that he simply found the plot too mundane. 🤔
Enter CasiTrades, the crypto oracle with a chart that looks like a rollercoaster designed by a sadist. According to her, XRP is trapped in a descending structure so well-defined, it could double as modern art. Lower highs, Fibonacci values-it’s all there, like a financial choose-your-own-adventure book where every choice ends in tears. Or profits. Maybe both. 😭💰
The exchanges, once as plump as Augustus Gloop, are now shrinking faster than a chocolate river on a hot day. 🍫💦 Coins are fleeing these platforms like children from a dentist’s office. And what does that mean, you ask? Well, it’s as clear as a glass elevator: sell pressure is taking a nap, and holders are clutching their SHIB like golden tickets. 🌟 Could this be the bottom? Oh, don’t get your hopes up just yet, my dear reader-this isn’t a fairy tale, after all.
Despite his “I’m a genius” vibes, the analyst insists he’s still bearish. Because why would you be bullish when the market’s as stable as a penguin on a trampoline? 🐧📉 He’s betting on a “20% move” from current levels-because nothing says “safe trade” like a 20% swing. 🤝