Crypto News

In the past week, XRP has strutted its stuff, rising more than 12% – a feat worthy of a space-faring creature with no regard for gravity, or common sense. Meanwhile, its major holders-privileged beings of enormous wallets-have been shifting around the cosmic clutter, transferring a staggering 460 million coins as if it’s just Tuesday. One can’t help wondering if whales are the universe’s most eccentric custodians, or perhaps just overly enthusiastic coin collectors with a flair for the dramatic.

DEX dashboards are basically bull market TikTok feeds now: meme coins, degens, and volume candles that make your head spin. 🌪️🤯

The stage is already crowded with performers: Rex Osprey, Canary Capital, Franklin Templeton, Bitwise, Grayscale, Volatility Shares (futures), and ProShares (futures). Now, 21Shares ascends, its $2.8 billion in assets under management a gilded scepter. Analysts, those modern-day seers, whisper of a coming tempest-daily ETF activity to surge with the ferocity of a thousand stormtroopers. 🌪️

A curious spectacle unfolds: XRP’s RSI, that fickle muse of momentum, dances upward while the price tumbles-a ballet of contradictions. Such is the art of bullish divergence, a signal as cryptic as a Turgenevian landscape. Traders, clutching their coffee like lifelines, debate whether this is the prelude to a rally or merely a fox’s grin in the woods of uncertainty.

Following three consecutive weekly blood baths-each siphoning off a staggering $970 billion-the crypto carnival finally shows a flicker of green. This week, the market dances up by over 5%, with a cool $160 billion (because who doesn’t love a hefty inflow?)-perhaps heralding the rarest of unicorns: a green weekly close in November. 🎩✨

The question gnaws at the soul like a Dostoevskian dilemma: Can such a thing ever be? According to the so-called “analysts” of ActuFinance-those high priests of the market-PI Network must first ascend the Mount Sinai of financial requirements. Behold, the commandments they have etched in stone:

What could be more thrilling than being paid just for looking at ads? The Brave browser, darling of the tech world, offers this delightful possibility through the BAT token. Oh, the charade! Users earn BAT by viewing those oh-so-modest Brave Ads and can graciously bestow these tokens upon content creators or trot them off to acquire a variety of currencies 🪙.

Lawmakers say the measure could finally settle the long-running dispute over whether tokens should be treated as commodities or securities, a decision that would determine which regulator takes charge. Because nothing says “clarity” like a 100-page document filled with legalese and existential dread. 🧠💥

This latest ETH-buying spree went through BitGo, an institutional custodian (which sounds very serious, right?), and was done at an average price of $3,033 per coin, as per blockchain analytics platforms. Oh, and did we mention Ethereum was recently recovering from a bit of a rough patch, flirting with a low of $2,680? Talk about timing! ⏱️

There once was a Layer-2 project named MegaETH, bold in its claim to outpace Ethereum like a caffeinated hare. With promises of 100,000 transactions per second and fees cheaper than a clown’s after-dinner mint, it courted punters with the same charm of a used-car salesman in a crypto cowboy hat. But lo! A misbehaving multisig and a bridge that danced to its own tune mucked everything up, owing folks $400 million. 💸