Old Lukashenko, bless his heart, has been wagging his finger at his officials, demanding they get their act together and whip up some “transparent rules” for the crypto circus. According to a report, he’s been hollering about this at a government hootenanny focused on digital tokens. “Clear as mud” ain’t cutting it anymore, he reckons.
Imagine a stage set in the vibrant landscape of the past 18 months, where Bitcoin, acting as the bullish protagonist, spins an endless soliloquy of new price peaks, each grander than the last. This enchanting narrative inspired a host of companies to welcome Bitcoin to their corporate boas, or treasuries, if one prefers. But alas, in the style of a farcical twist, this advent of Bitcoin adoptions, according to the wise musings of crypto commentator Mark Moss, has seen the stock prices of these BTCTCs severely diverge from their digital appendages, selling like autumn leaves in a brisk, merciless wind.
With a trading volume of $111.8 billion-up 28.3% month-on-month-Uniswap has once again proven it’s not just a one-trick pony. This marks the second time this year it’s broken the $100 billion barrier, which is more impressive than a dwarf with a spreadsheet. 📈💰
According to Bloomberg ETF analyst James Seyffart, several tokens appear ready to fit within the SEC’s developing framework. These include well-established names such as Chainlink (LINK), Stellar (XLM), Bitcoin Cash (BCH), Avalanche (AVAX), Litecoin (LTC), Polkadot (DOT), Solana (SOL), Dogecoin (DOGE), and Shiba Inu (SHIB). Oh, and let’s not forget the ones that are basically just memes. 🐕
Remember when it hit a previous high in August? Well, it’s been climbing like Liz Lemon’s caffeine intake, despite everyone predicting it would chill out. Spoiler: it did not chill out. ☕💥
If you’re keeping score-and let’s face it, who isn’t?-that’s a near-unanimous pivot from “no cuts” to “multiple cuts incoming.” It’s like watching a flock of sheep suddenly decide they’re all going vegan. 🐑🥗
According to the seven-day simple moving average (SMA) tracked by hashrateindex.com, Bitcoin’s total hashrate reached 1,013 exahash per second (EH/s) on Sept. 2, breaking through the 1,000 EH/s mark, which is the symbolic threshold for a single zettahash. It’s like Bitcoin is saying, “I can do sextillions of hashes per second, and you’re still here?”
Back in the frosty depths of December 2024, Itaú Unibanco wisely cracked open the gates to let their clientele trade Bitcoin (BTC) and ether (ETH) directly from their trusty banking app. Why? Because apparently, everyone and their grandma suddenly fancied themselves as crypto traders. According to the ever-trustworthy sources at CNN Brasil, this was all thanks to “very large demand,” or as we like to call it, “lots of people screaming ‘where’s my Bitcoin?’ at their phones.” 📲
On a Saturday in September 2025, Bitcoin moseyed along at $110,894, down 1.8% in the past 24 hours, its hooves dragging between $110,339 and $113,142. This digital stallion, as they call it, ain’t been tamed yet. Coinglass.com’s metrics show futures open interest at 717,980 BTC ($79.63 billion), a number so big it’d make a Texas rancher blush. CME leads the pack with 136,380 BTC ($15.12 billion), followed by Binance and Bybit, each with their own chunk of the pie. 🥧
