The acquisition of Iron Fish’s brain trust (and their secret sauce) was part of Coinbase’s grand scheme to blur the lines-like a detective with a charcoal suit-building what they call “privacy-preserving primitives.” Think of it as turning your financial statements into a sudoku puzzle-nearly impossible to decipher.
Here’s the kicker: This nifty technology allows anyone to submit cryptographically attested phishing reports. Not just any reports, mind you. These reports are authenticated with the kind of cryptographic precision that would make even your grandma’s knitting patterns jealous. 🧶
The team, now reduced to a single intern holding a coffee cup and a prayer, released a new node binary. It’s like giving a toaster a PhD and hoping it bakes a soufflé. The blockchain will “continue to operate,” presumably until the sun swallows it. Or maybe forever. Who knows? 🌑
1️⃣ Ripple ($XRP) decided to take a leap above $2.50, with Futures Open Interest ballooning to $3.8B. Investors are grinning like Cheshire Cats. 😼
2️⃣ Stuck above $2.50 like a stubborn toddler? Yep, and the MACD crossover is winking at a bullish party. 🎉 Resistance? Oh, just a tiny hurdle at $2.61-$2.70.
3️⃣ While XRP’s flexing, $PEPENODE is the new kid on the block, offering a whopping 674% APY. Gamified mining? More like gamified winning! 🎮
Gold dev just rugged
The tension between traditional banks and crypto platforms flared up this week as Kraken’s CEO, David Ripley, took to social media to respond to the American Bankers Association’s (ABA) warning on stablecoin interest products. A true display of digital-age warfare! 🦸♂️⚔️
Their official word? They’re shutting everything down, like a pancake breakfast after one too many burns. But don’t panic-Kadena’s blockchain isn’t lying in its grave just yet; it’s still running under the ghostly grip of miners trying to keep the lights on. You know what they say, a blockchain without its owners is like a cow without its udder-mostly still there, but not exactly thriving. 🐄
XRP’s modest gain is less a rally and more a polite nod to the crowd, while trading activity surges like a bureaucrat with a caffeine IV drip. Professional positioning? Or just chaos dressed in charts? 🤷♂️📈