At a fancy-shmancy event in New York, Rick waggishly announced that Schwab plans to start playing with spot crypto trading in the first half of 2026. Yep, they’ll test the waters with their loyal employees and a select few clients – just enough to make you jealous. And if all goes well? The whole kit and caboodle will be open to everyone who has a Schwab account. 🎲
Apparently, owning Bitcoin now comes with a side of “potential kidnapping and arson.” Authorities say the victim, 21-year-old Danylo K. (son of a Ukrainian deputy mayor), was abducted, forced to cough up his digital wallet passcodes, and then roasted like a marshmallow in his own car. Classy. 🍢💸
Brad Garlinghouse, Ripple’s resident crypto wizard, recently spilled tea that Bitcoin could hit $180k by 2026. His reasoning? The US is no longer a regulatory nightmare. For years, this 22% GDP titan dragged crypto into legal purgatory with its bureaucratic jiu-jitsu. Now? Cue confetti ETFs are the new glitter, and institutions are finally joining the party like it’s 2015. 🎉
Taiwan’s 2026 stablecoin rollout isn’t just a local upgrade-it’s the next step in humanity’s collective delusion that we’ve mastered money. State-backed digital cash: because nothing says “trust” like a government and a blockchain. 🧾
The analyst, in his infinite wisdom, points to the descending channel that has dominated XRP’s path for weeks now, as if it were some kind of cosmic force pulling the crypto into its orbit. But, fear not, for the moment the price dares to close above this pesky line, the chart opens like a door to a new world, beckoning XRP toward the mid-$2.7 region. It’s like waiting for the train to pull out of the station. Do you have your ticket? Better hurry, the train’s almost leaving! 🕒
Apparently, this shrinking act is just one of the many circus tricks the market’s pulling to tighten the supply of available coins. 🤹♂️💰 Who knew Bitcoin could be so dramatic?
Binance’s eagle-eyed investors are probably thinking, “Great, now it’s a tag team. Do they fight crime or just fight over who gets the biggest office?”
Bitcoin, that grumpy dragon hoarding digital treasure, is still the market’s “reserve asset.” But try using it to buy a sandwich without crying. Block times crawl slower than a bureaucrat on vacation, fees spike like a hypochondriac’s panic attack, and programmability? A patchwork quilt of duct tape and dreams. 🐉
For months, rollups were effectively throwing a crypto party in Ethereum’s data space, all without leaving a tip. But Fusaka, the great rescuer, steps in, raising the minimum blob price to something a little more in line with the actual cost of verifying data. A hefty increase? Hardly! Sure, the rise looks as though it’s jumped by millions (cue gasps of horror), but really, it’s just leveling the playing field. After all, when you’ve been paying peanuts for so long, even the smallest upgrade seems like a luxury!