Crypto News

The ETF, a creation of ChinaAMC (Hong Kong), will dance onto the market on October 27. The minimum investment? A mere $100-a pittance for the wealthy, but a mountain for the poor. 🎉

XRP dips, dodges, and generally acts like a indecisive teenager at a buffet-still above support levels but trailing crypto’s version of the “cool kids’ table.” 🍔

So, it bumped up a bit, you know, after being around $3,700. Like Bitcoin… copying Bitcoin. Original, very original. Got above $3,750, then $3,800. A whole fifty dollars! I’m practically rich! No, I’m not. It hit 23.6% of something… Fibonacci retracement? What even is that? It’s just numbers people making things up.

Several crypto types have latched themselves to the “BTC to the moon!!” bandwagon like it’s the last Netflix show before we’re all ENDSLED. 🚀

“We joyously congratulate DraftKings on their serendipitous acquisition of Railbird,” proclaimed Polymarket’s illustrious CEO Shayne Coplan, a statement punctuated with the formality and tone of a momentous X postet on Wednesday. “And we are tickled pink, as it were, that Polymarket Clearing shall stand as their chosen clearinghouse as they gallantly trot into the fabled prediction market arena.”

It usually means accumulation, with traders holding stablecoins ready to buy at the right moment.

The exchange, that labyrinth of algorithmic avarice, conjured $648 million from the void-a figure bloated by 114% compared to its wretched progeny of last year. A testament, perhaps, to humanity’s eternal bargain with Mammon. 🕯️

The Bank Secrecy Act, a relic from 1970 (when bell-bottoms were still a thing), forces banks, credit unions, and other financial bigwigs to play detective for the feds, sniffing out money laundering, terrorist financing, and other shady shenanigans. 🕵️‍♀️💼 But let’s be honest, it’s about as effective as a screen door on a submarine.

On the one hand, the 4-hour chart paints a portrait of despair-lower highs and lower lows, as the sellers revel in their dominance. Yet, in an unexpected twist of fate, after a liquidity flush at $0.15, the token managed to pull off a modest rebound. Could this be a sign of stabilization? Perhaps. Or perhaps it’s merely the calm before another storm of financial chaos. Only time will tell, my friends.

In their latest “State of Crypto” report, a16z noted that BlackRock, Visa, and JPMorgan Chase are now playing in the sandbox alongside fintech firms like Stripe and PayPal. Presumably, they’re building castles out of code and hoping for rain. 🏰