Crypto News

Pi Network has unlocked 8.7 million PI tokens as part of its ongoing distribution.

BTC’s recent moves could only be described as “choppy,” which is crypto-speak for “I have no idea what’s happening.” Last week, it yo-yoed from $90K to $85.5K, then bounced back to $90K before face-planting again. Even the surprisingly good US CPI numbers couldn’t stop this crypto-themed rollercoaster. Bulls finally snapped out of their slumber and pushed BTC to $89K, but that was just a warm-up for Monday’s doomed attempt to breach $90.4K. Now it’s trading at $87.5K, sipping tea and pretending it’s not nervous. ☕️📉

They dragged in Tom Orlik, a chief economist (whatever that is), Mario Parker, a guy who watches politics (like we don’t all!), and Parmy Olson, a columnist obsessed with those robot overlords – AI!

Kiyosaki, in a recent pronouncement delivered via the modern-day equivalent of a town crier (that’s social media, you see), has warned that this upward lurch in silver’s price is a rather ominous sign. Seems he believes it points towards a regrettable decline in the value of the American Dollar, which is, as anyone with a modicum of sense knows, rather inconvenient if one wishes to purchase things. He frames it as a boon for those clever enough to have invested in precious metals – a slightly smug sentiment, if you ask me – and a thoroughly bad show for those of us still clutching onto perfectly good, but apparently depreciating, legal tender. 💸

Yet, amid this chaos, the on-chain data reveals a curious twist-a CryptoQuant report, penned by the enigmatic CryptoOnchain, unveils a dramatic drop in XRP reserves on Binance. A spectacle! Fewer tokens on the exchange, a ballet of scarcity, suggesting that the bears are not as ruthless as they seem. Perhaps they’re merely taking a nap? Or maybe they’re plotting a grander scheme, like a Russian novel’s villain with a penchant for cryptocurrency.

Metaplanet, the Japanese conglomerate formerly known for, well, existing, has approved a strategy so bold it could make a pirate blush. By 2027, they’ll join the “210K BTC Club” – assuming Bitcoin hasn’t been replaced by Dogecoin 2.0 or whatever the kids are into. The decision is a testament to corporate faith in Bitcoin, which is apparently unshaken even as the market resembles a drunken tightrope walker. 📉

As for the exact sum recovered? Ah, the Gnosis team, ever the mystery, has yet to reveal it. Perhaps it’s a number so staggering it could make a saint weep-or a crypto bro faint.

This year, gold’s been the hero of the frontier, surging 60-65% in 2025 alone. A perfect storm? More like a hurricane with four names: fiscal panic, central bank greed, geopolitical drama, and the eternal thirst for safety. Investors, clutching their wallets like a prospector’s pickaxe, are buying gold to shield themselves from the U.S. debt trainwreck. “Debasement,” they whisper, like a curse passed down through generations.

Guess who’s back in the game? The World Liberty Financial USD (USD1), which is apparently as closely linked to President Trump’s family as he is to Twitter drama, just hopped from a comfy $2.74 billion to a jaw-dropping $2.89 billion in mere hours! 🚀 Wait, there’s more! As of this very moment, it’s strutting its stuff at $2.91 billion, thanks to some Binance magic. 🪄✨

The mighty XRP, valued at exactly $1.86 (because decimals are for quitters), hasn’t budged since earnXRP debuted. Flare, Upshift, and Clearstar threw a party for XRP holders, offering yield without selling. Because why let your coins sit idle when they can earn rewards like a crypto-enabled savings account for millennials who hate banks. 🏦💥