But don’t hang up your crypto hat just yet! Some American-made coins are strutting their stuff like they own the place-because maybe, just maybe, there’s hope in these digital streets. Here are three Made in the USA coins actually worth your eyeballs this week.
While this pullback exposed weaknesses, it also highlighted the possibility of a rebound. Because nothing says “rebound” like a 9% drop. 🧢
In his September 23 address, Trump tackled the big issues: energy production (spoiler: green energy is a hoax, apparently) and global migration (spoiler: walls are still in). According to our tangerine-tinted orator, green energy is the greatest con since New Coke, bankrupting nations faster than a Trump casino. Meanwhile, China and its neighbors have been spewing carbon like it’s going out of style, while Europe and the U.S. sit in the dark, paying through the nose for their virtue signaling. 🌍💨
Archetype, perched on their New York ledge, announced raising this $100 million fund, humorously titled Archetype III, to pet blockchain startups in their tender infancy. One imagines those startups nodding dutifully, hoping their dreams do not collapse like a house of cards in a teatime breeze.
YZi Labs, helmed by the ever-astute Ella Zhang, is apparently “considering” the idea of shifting gears and transforming into an external-facing fund. It’s not quite ready to throw open the gates to eager investors just yet. Ella, the head honcho, told Asgari with all the seriousness of someone contemplating a second slice of cake, “There’s always a lot of external investors interested, and we will eventually consider turning it into an external-facing fund. We just think it’s not there yet.” In other words, hold your horses, folks-there’s more AI and biotech tinkering to be done before YZi Labs lets anyone else have a taste of the action. Patience, grasshopper. 🦗
Decentralized exchange (DEX) infrastructure provider Orderly Network introduced a platform for users to launch their own perpetuals DEXs. 🤡
Yes, you heard it right! While the corporate behemoths slurp electricity like it’s going out of style, these five Davids-operating outside the cozy confines of mining pools-each bagged over $350,000. A fluke? Perhaps. But oh, what a glorious fluke! 🎉
Shares of Semler Scientific (SMLR), now a tragic hero in the tale of financial folly, closed at $32.06, a price so low it might make a medieval monk weep. This is well below the implied $86.30 takeout value in its announced all-stock acquisition by Strive (ASST), a discount so profound it might make a philosopher weep, according to Benchmark analyst Mark Palmer, who sees both skepticism and opportunity in the emerging bitcoin treasury M&A wave. 🧠💸
In 2010, Bitcoin was worth a few cents. By 2011, it hit $20. Six years later, $17,000. Now, over $100K. A journey from obscurity to absurdity, where ROI of 188,643,000% sounds like a joke told by a drunk economist. 🤡
Before any valiant souls dare to plunge into the murky depths of altcoin trading, it is incumbent upon them to forecast, with all the precision of a weathered seer, the whims of Bitcoin’s direction in the forthcoming 48 hours. Presently, a scintilla of hope glimmers – $BTC appears to be conjuring a recovery from its recent veritable abyss. Yet, let not your heart be too light; the specter of further despair lurks, ready to shake loose those overly hopeful longs clinging to dreams of resurrection.
