Crypto News

In his post, Cantonese Cat wrote: “Attempting to reclaim cycle high AVWAP as support. Claiming Ichimoku Tenkan + Kijun fusion (blue and red lines fused together), AKA Katana, as support so far. Holding 0.5 log fib from cycle high-cycle low as support so far. There’s been no volume so far during this downturn on multiple exchanges including Coinbase and Binance, and all it takes is just some volume to come in and we could reverse any downtrend in a hurry.” 🧠

This cunning contraption doesn’t just reward complacent holders; oh no, it turns staking into a lively game of “Who Gets the Biggest Slice?” As the price of $FUN ascends like a triumphant lark, the contract-whisper it-releases rewards from a treasury of five million shiny dollars directly into the pockets of the stalwart stakers, all on-chain, with no middlemen to pinch their fingers or muddy the water. Fancy that! 🤡

The sharply-dressed SharpLink Gaming has whispered sweet nothings to Ethereum, splurging on 19,271 ETH valued at $78.3 million, according to the mysterious and oft-relied-upon on-chain data from Lookonchain. This splurge marks yet another chapter in their tale of crypto conquest, following a brief romance hiatus.

Ah, the NY Times, that trumpet of moral superiority, now bellowing about Bitcoin\’s “excessive energy consumption”-a modern drama of misplaced outrage! How tragically funny, the self-appointed guardians of virtue, wielding marginal emission calculations like a priest quoting a dead letter to condemn a plague. 🤡

“The draft legislation, as it stands, leaves some critical questions unanswered,” Caroline Bowler, the former CEO of crypto exchange BTC Markets, said in a statement. “We support the government’s intent to bring structure to the digital asset sector. But structure must come with clarity.”

One gathers Solana is having a bit of a rally, what? Chaps are now predicting it might bob up to somewhere between 210 and 253 by 2025. Rather spirited, what!

KAS faced rejection at its 20-day EMA, with the Stochastic RSI signaling an overbought market. Like a toddler at a candy store-overwhelmed and ready to cry. 😭

Right now, XRP is flirting with the $2.60-$2.70 range like a nervous teenager asking someone to prom. This zone has historically been where optimism meets reality-kind of like when you promise yourself you’ll start jogging tomorrow. If it somehow manages to break through $2.70 without collapsing in exhaustion, the next stop is $2.87. Beyond that? A lofty $3.10, which is basically crypto’s version of Everest-rarely reached, often fatal.

According to local media outlet Iran International (aka the Iranian gossip column), Ayandeh Bank waved the white flag 🏳️ on Thursday after racking up $5.1 billion in losses and $3 billion in debt. 💸💸💸 The Central Bank of Iran tried to play hero 🦸‍♂️ but failed miserably, leaving officials with no choice but to shut down its 270 branches nationwide. 📉

But fear not, dear reader, for the week ahead promises more intrigue than a Turgenev novel. The APEC summit in Korea looms like a grand ball, where diplomats and economists shall pirouette and spar. 🌏🎭