Crypto News

According to the wise statisticians of CoinMarketCap, Dogecoin’s volume zoomed to $1.01 billion-impressive, until you remember that most of the top ten altcoins are all crying in the corner, down in the dumps. Yet, the volume jump has not turned the price tide; instead, DOGE has shed 0.5% over the past 24 hours, dwindling down to $0.1254-less of a rally and more of a slow, painful drift into obscurity. Well, at least it keeps the investors’ blood pressure interesting. 😎

Everyone knows Uniswap does about $2 billion worth of trading gambles every single day, and pulls in roughly $600 million in fees across the year – if you believe the data from DeFillama. Until now, all that tasty fee cheddar went straight to liquidity providers – leaving the UNI token just sittin’ on the sidelines, more of a parlour trick than a real moneymaker.

The liquidation overview indicates that the total amount of liquidations in 2025 was approximately $154.6 billion, with the biggest daily wipeout amounting to approximately $19.1 billion. Perception is distorted by that spike alone. Particularly on a market where leverage is deeply ingrained, a single extreme event does not characterize the entire year. It’s like blaming a single rainy day for the entire season. 🌧️

Trust Wallet users lost over $7 million shortly after the Chrome extension “updated” itself like a sketchy infomercial product. But fear not! Binance’s CEO-in-chief (and resident crypto dad) promised to foot the bill. Generous? Sure. But also kinda like reimbursing your roommate for eating your leftovers-you’re responsible, but we’re all a little annoyed.

The ‘gift,’ naturally, is mere liquidity. The ability to scuttle for cover, as it were, while the going is…slightly less atrocious. It seems our Bitcoin hasn’t entirely eschewed gravity, despite the brief, almost impudent rally earlier today to a peak of $89,194. Still a shade under 29.3% from its former, rather overheated glory. One wonders if its creators anticipated such a delicate constitution.

So far, $7m affected by this hack. @TrustWallet will cover. User funds are SAFU. Appreciate your understanding for any inconveniences caused.

The team is still investigating how hackers were able to submit a new version.

And then, on December 25th – a date otherwise reserved for family squabbles and questionable gifts – Lido DAO [LDO] dared to be different. It defied the prevailing gloom, a small patch of blue in a stormy sky. A preference, it appeared, for protocols that actually produce something, rather than merely exist on promises and hot air. The irony, of course, is delicious. 🧐

The vote, concluding on the sacred day of December 25th (a date surely chosen by some mischievous force), passed with the fervor of a Moscow crowd at a Master’s performance. The result? A colossal 100 million UNI tokens shall be consigned to the flames, and protocol fees shall awaken from their slumber after a brief timelock. Oh, the drama! 🎭

Ted (@TedPillows), our modern-day commentator, bemoans the narrow trading band, declaring ETH must either reclaim $3,000 or retest $2,700-$2,800 to escape this comedic limbo. Daily volumes? A 20% drop! Implied volatility? A 10% plunge! One might think the crypto gods are napping. Ah, but when liquidity returns, expect a grand finale worthy of the Comédie-Française! 🎭

Thus, BIFI claimed its throne among the day’s top gainers, sans fanfare or proclamation. No heralds cried, “Behold, a protocol update!” Nay, ’twas a silent coup, a heist of market whimsy. 🕵️♂️💰