These “records,” you ask? Ah, they whisper of a grand masquerade beneath the surface: operations, transactions, and a TVL that might just rival the Queen’s tea budget. One must wonder if the market is simply waiting for an invitation to the ball. 💸
The CME FedWatch oracle declares an 89.9% chance of a rate trim, while Polymarket, ever the dramatist, raises the stakes to 97%. Yet, beneath these numbers lies a comedy of errors-a policy rift as wide as a Russian steppe. Some FOMC members coo like doves, pleading for easing, while the hawks screech, fearing inflation’s ghost might rise again. 👻
Crypto adoption surged throughout Q4 – and now, in December 2025, it’s clear we’ve entered a new self-custody era. With rising prices, year-end momentum, and more users seeking control, wallets have become the front door to everything in crypto. What could possibly go wrong? 🤷♂️
Blockchain platforms whisper of 176 transfers, a symphony of Bitcoin worth $3.14 million. A grand finale, or perhaps a prelude to some new, shadowy opera? 🎭
This filing drops just as spot BTC ETFs are having a worse month than your Tinder date who “forgot” their wallet. Heavy outflows, price manipulation whispers-it’s a mess. But hey, at least someone’s still trying to make Bitcoin cool after hours. 🕶️
On Tuesday, Strive unveiled a $500 million stock sales program-essentially a glorified bake sale, but instead of cupcakes, they’re peddling preferred stock to fuel their Bitcoin obsession. Market spectators clutched their pearls as the firm vowed to splurge proceeds on “digital assets” (read: more magic internet money) and “general corporate requirements” (read: office kombucha).
Imagine a digital board game set in New York (because where else would it be?) where you roll dice, buy properties, and build stuff-all while earning crypto rewards. 🏙️💰 It’s like The Sims met Wall Street Bets and had a baby. Players can fund their accounts with cash, crypto, or the oh-so-classy TRUMP Coin, because why not tie your financial fate to a memecoin? 🤑 You can also trade NFT collectibles like statues and pins, because who doesn’t want a digital gold statue of Trump in their virtual living room? 🏆
Apparently, smart folks with fancy titles and even fancier spreadsheets think that Ethereum’s popularity is on the up again because, surprise, surprise, institutions are tinkering with it. According to some guys from Bull Theory – yes, those guys – big companies like BitMine (who, to be fair, hold the biggest stash of ETH in public trading circles) have decided that Ethereum is the new cool kid on the block.
Alas, dear reader, do not be misled; this titanic endeavor is not an appeal to the hoi polloi of retail investors. Nein, Saylor’s vision transcends the mundane, targeting an estimated $20 to $50 trillion that presently languishes in the low-yield purgatory of sovereign and corporate bonds scattered across prosperous sovereigns. Within the realms of the Bitcoin MENA conference, he highlighted Japan, Europe, and Switzerland as monuments of fiscal quiescence-a veritable treasure trove of capital lying fallow.
Gould, not known for minced words, declared:
