Crypto News

Investors, ever the curious creatures, now ponder: “How low shall Bitcoin descend in this final descent?” A question as timeless as the tides, yet fraught with peril for the unprepared. 🤔

And what’s the clever wheeze? Why, BlackRock is merrily re-potting those stodgy traditional assets into digital bloomers, so investors can frolic in their digital gardens without ever having to step out into the wilds. “Stay in the ecosystem,” advises sir Fink, as if urging a chap to stick to his cucumber sandwiches and not meddle with foreign cuisine. Sarcasm alert: because who wants old-fashioned money when you can have it pixellated? 🙄

The ensuing chaos-complete with allegations, rebuttals, and Twitter hot takes-has left the crypto world more divided than a room full of cats trying to agree on a nap spot. 🐱🛋️ Beneath the drama lies a tale as old as time itself: power, trust, and the fine line between “collaboration” and “cryptic coercion.”

But wait, there’s more! The plot thickens, as Coinbase whispers of something even juicier: the potential introduction of regulated crypto products-yes, *ETFs*-to the Indian market. Could this be the dawning of a new era for crypto in India? Will the masses soon have their regulated slice of the crypto pie? Time will tell. 🤑

Apparently, back in the *olden days* (like, the last market cycle), these “digital asset treasuries” – DATs, very sophisticated – didn’t even exist. Now they’re hoarding 5.9 million ETH, which is roughly $24 billion. That’s…a lot of zeros. They’re just going to sit on it, apparently, for “long-term yields.” Like a dragon with a shiny hoard, only… digital. 🙄

This historic move catapults New York into the crypto spotlight, making it the first city in the U.S. to establish a department *solely dedicated* to blockchain innovation, financial inclusion, and, you guessed it, crypto regulation. Adams’ grand vision? To crown NYC as the undisputed crypto capital of the world. A lofty goal, indeed, but it’s not like Adams to shy away from ambition. At this point, he’s practically the crypto mayor, earning that shiny new title with every block he adds to his empire.

According to the indefatigable Nikkei Asia, these parchments of parliamentary pandemonium are slated for 2026. The new lexicon decrees that trading with “privileged information” (a term we’re told is officially vaguer than a haiku about budget airlines) will now merit a cozy chat with the judiciary. One might as well be caught pilfering sushi rolls at a Michelin-starred izakaya-except the penalty could include fines, jail, or the ultimate humiliation: having to explain your crypto portfolio to a bureaucrat.

What a spectacle! A tsunami of forced liquidations has rattled the cryptocurrency realm, exposing the folly of excessive leverage in this digital playground. Galaxy, that doyen of digital assets and AI infrastructure, took to the social media stage on X (formerly known as Twitter, darling) on Oct. 13 to offer its pièce de résistance-an analysis of this financial fiasco. The selloff, they proclaim, was nothing short of a historic liquidation extravaganza.

Fink’s vision? Turn ETFs into digital tokens so crypto bros can finally feel like they’re investing in something *real*-like retirement funds. 🤑 Because nothing screams “long-term stability” like blockchain, right?

Global digital asset markets are regaining their composure after the largest liquidation event in crypto history, a most theatrical transition toward a more structurally mature ecosystem. The 21Shares Research Team noted that while the sharp selloff underscored flaws in centralized exchange mechanisms, it simultaneously showcased the robustness of decentralized infrastructure and the resilience of long-term holders. A most admirable display of fortitude! 🤹‍♂️