Crypto News

The ongoing trade brawl between China and the U.S. has taken another dramatic turn, and guess who’s caught in the middle? Bitcoin, of course. It seems the digital coin has absorbed more collateral damage than any stock on the market. In a seemingly desperate bid to outwit China’s protectionism, U.S. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent unveiled price floors for American rare earth companies. While stocks rose like the morning sun, Bitcoin was not so lucky, dropping 1.74% as the news broke.

Observe, dear reader, as Binance Coin parades above the $1,069.75 support, its tail wagging with pride! A swift rebound to $1,140, as if taunting the bears, reveals buyers who absorb sell pressure like a sponge at a wine festival! This “inversion zone” is but a stage for the bears’ feeble attempts to crash the party-yet the bulls waltz on! 🕺💃

The exchange, with a wink and a nudge, hints at “special caveats”-a phrase as vague as a Nabokovian metaphor-that may hobble regular trading. A developing situation, you say? But of course, darling, everything in this circus is subject to change. 🌪️

Lo and behold, Bless (BLESS) hath leapt to a record high of $0.1125-over 230% in the past 24 hours! From its recent nadir, it has risen more than 390%, which should make even the most stoic investor crack a smile-and perhaps a glass of something stronger. 🥂

Backpack Exchange, that solemn custodian of digital wealth, has now shackled itself to Superstate via their on-chain stock platform, Opening Bell. A union as predictable as a snowstorm in Siberia, this integration allows users to trade SEC-registered stocks-because nothing says “trust” like regulatory paperwork and blockchain jargon. The crypto-native crowd, once content with memes and Dogecoin, now clutches tokenized equities like a sinner clutching a prayer. Traditional finance, ever the grumpy uncle, is now trapped at the crypto family picnic. 🍷💻

@TypusFinance on Sui exploited for ~$3.4M.

This isn’t just a blip on the radar-it’s more like a galactic-sized shift. BlackRock now holds 804,944 BTC, which is roughly 3.83% of Bitcoin’s total supply. To put that in perspective, it’s like owning 3.83% of all the towels in the universe. 🌌 And let’s not forget, when Bitcoin hit its all-time high last week, that stash was worth over $100 billion. So, yeah, they’re doing something right. Or they’ve just got really good accountants. 🤷‍♂️

History’s been a one-trick pony-funding rates turn negative, BTC goes full Hulk. 💥

With millions already dabbling in the deliciously unpredictable world of digital assets, Coinbase prances about claiming it will bolster trust and open many a door for crypto adventures. Because, of course, what better way to inspire confidence than more investments and aggressive expansion? 🎉

Loomer, ever the provocateur, paints a picture of intrigue worthy of Dostoevsky’s darkest imaginings. “Trump world,” she declares, is under siege by a “sophisticated influence operation,” with Bankman-Fried’s kin “actively colluding with shadowy firms” to secure a pardon. “Expose it! Shut it down!” she cries, her words echoing through the digital catacombs. For, as she reminds us with a wink and a nudge, SBF was the second-largest donor to the Democrats, trailing only the bogeyman himself, George Soros. 🕵️‍♀️🤡