Crypto News

Technically speaking, comrades, our BTC prisoner approaches the narrowing confines of a symmetrical triangle on the daily chart-a formation as deceptive as a guard’s promise. Analysts, those spectral voices, mutter that three daily candles wedged between $118,000 and $120,000 might signal a breakout, a sprint toward the horizon. But remember, in the archives of such patterns, they persist in about 75% of cases; alas, for our volatile Satoshi, guarantees are as rare as mercy in the Gulag. Burst free, and it might lunge toward $128,000, guided by Fibonacci’s arcane numbers and past resistances-ah, the irony!

The project now teases its next “price jump,” a mere $0.00000062 leap to $0.00021175, a feat akin to climbing Mount Everest in penguin slippers. 🐧❄️ Yet, the coffers swell: $898,168 raised thus far, tantalizingly close to the $900,000 milestone. One wonders: is this capitalism’s final form, or merely a Ponzi scheme with a mascot?

The thing that scared the accountants half to death is called the Corporate Alternative Minimum Tax, CAMT, a 15% floor set upon the tall tales corporations tell of their profits under the Inflation Reduction Act of 2022. CAMT crawls over the books of those giants whose average book income tops a billion dollars across three years, and it would have taxed those who count their coins long before they hear the cash jangle. 🧾💰

Ah, 2025 has been an absolute smash for Ripple’s wily token, flirting with a princely $3.65 all-time high over the summer. A tad of retreat since? Well, darling, XRP’s still positively beaming year-to-date, and some saucy analysts whisper the final quarter might deliver even saucier gains. 😈💥

This is how the city of coins tightens its grip on the heart: whispers of a “4-year cycle” theory, the belief that the bull and bear undulate in a predictable rhythm born of the halving-the kind of rhythm that pretends to be science while remaining almost gigantically superstitious.

The merry mayhem kicked off when Solana’s own Anatoly Yakovenko, that jolly wizard, declared Pump.fun a worthy rival to TikTok, boasting about its livestreaming larks and crypto-kissed cash machines. Boom! That cheeky chit-chat ignited a frenzy, rocketing PUMP price today higher than a gremlin on giggle gas. 😂📈

Apparently, people are so desperate to keep their Bitcoin (because, you know, HODL or whatever) that they’re using it as collateral to borrow USDC. Enter Morpho, the DeFi wizard behind the curtain, making this financial magic happen since January. Who needs a bank when you’ve got a blockchain, right? 🧙‍♂️✨