Bitcoin futures? Oh, they’re surging like my dating profile after a hair transplant. CryptoQuant says it’s up from $418B in September. Coincidentally, that’s also how much I’d pay for someone to explain “derivatives” without using a metaphor involving cupcakes. 🧁
He further waxed poetic, declaring Bitcoin neither a reliable vault for wealth nor a modern talisman against fiscal doom, but a reckless gamble, a digital roulette wheel spinning against the very essence of gold itself. Oh, the drama! 🎭
In partnership with the esteemed Dfns, purveyors of wallet infrastructure, this platform shall grace the world as a Software-as-a-Service (SaaS) solution in the fourth quarter of 2025. 🗓️ And lo, by the second quarter of 2026, it shall expand to on-premises deployment, a veritable feast for the tech-savvy souls!
Right now, Bitcoin’s bouncing between $110K and $118K, eyeing that $120K resistance like a cat plotting a jump. Big on-chain wallets are scooping up coins like they’re on a clearance sale, halting the miner’s great reserve robbery. And hey, transaction fees are ticking up ever so slightly, making miners profitable enough to hold onto their spoils instead of selling them for spare change. 🎭
Apparently, they’re locked in a heated debate over Ethereum’s Layer 2 (L2) security. You know, the thing that’s supposed to make everything faster and safer? Yeah, turns out it’s not all rainbows and blockchain unicorns. 🦄🌈
According to these number-crunching wizards at NYDIG, a bigwig in the digital asset game, Bitcoin’s relationship with inflation is about as steady as a three-legged stool on a rocky boat. 🌊 Greg Cipolaro, their head honcho of research, spills the beans: Bitcoin’s price dances to its own fiddle, and inflation’s just a bystander clapping offbeat. 🎻
Traders and investors, prepare your portfolios for a game of chess-only the pieces are tokens and the board is the market. 🏰
IBM (NYSE: IBM) announced the launch of IBM Digital Asset Haven, a comprehensive platform built to help regulated institutions securely manage and scale digital asset operations. The new offering provides a unified solution for custody, transaction management, and settlement while meeting complex compliance and governance standards. 🤖⚖️
Now, just to spice things up, Charting Guy whipped out a TradingView chart. It’s a weekly SHIB/USD extravaganza that could put the most enthusiastic Fibonacci fan into a frenzy. Picture this: the price marker is at $0.000010205, which is like being slightly below average in a goldfish race.
