Cryptocurrency exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) decided on Sept. 10 to finally clarify its digital asset listing process-like a magician explaining their tricks mid-trick. Project teams, if you have the time to write a whitepaper, third-party audit, and your entire life story, go ahead and apply. Because nothing says “investor protection” like drowning in paperwork. 📄
These hoofbeats of hesitation prang on even after the landscape shuffled with the changing of mafiosos in high positions and Gary Gensler’s surprise departure. The pertinent question remains, why in tarnation? A steadfast soldier of the XRP brigades took a crack at unraveling this yarn.
“We are proud to be the company that has pioneered this technology and stand ready to defend it once again in a court of law,” a spokesperson for Kalshi chimed in, confident as a cat who has just found the last fishbone on his plate. “Prediction markets are a critical innovation of the 21st century, and all Americans should be able to access them,” Kalshi added, as if these were the most self-evident truths since gravity.
Take a look at XRP’s 8-hour chart, and you’ll see what looks like a miracle: the 23-day moving average sashays right past the 50-day. It’s been so long since XRP pulled this off, we half-expected a choir of angels to appear singing “Hallelujah.” The last time we saw this, XRP didn’t just tiptoe around-it danced all over the charts.
Bitcoin’s recovery is chugging along, thanks to those spot Bitcoin ETF buyers who apparently have deeper pockets than a kangaroo. 🐨💰
Oh, the torment of resistance! As XRP inches upward with the subtle grace of a cat on a marble floor, it is cruelly hampered by a spectral barrier set at $3.3774-a number as precise as a tailor’s stitch and just as unforgiving. CoinsKid, that oracle of the social plains known as X, has enlightened us with this white trendline, the stern chaperone refusing passage to brighter days and greater heights.
Solana’s futures open interest hit $16.6 billion-because who doesn’t love a good gamble? 🎰 Its perpetual futures funding rates are as stable as my coffee addiction, hinting at further price upside. ☕
Our dear Bitcoin’s real trial, however, is much less glamorous: can it keep up the charade of strength? Standing above $115K is heartening, but the road ahead bristles with the usual suspects-macroeconomic dread and inscrutable blockchain whispers. Investors stare cautiously, half expecting a gentleman’s agreement to be broken at any moment.
Ether (ETH), the backbone of decentralized finance, NFTs, and smart contracts, has always been more than just a pretty blockchain. 💪 But now, with spot Ether ETFs, it’s strutting into mainstream finance like it owns the place. According to SoSoValue, institutional investors are flocking to Ether like seagulls to a french fry. 🍟
By Shayan (the brave soul who dares to decipher Bitcoin’s mumbo jumbo)
