Crypto News

Donald Trump, the man with the golden comb-over and the silver tongue, stood before the nation, his words dripping with triumph. “We’ll run their oil,” he declared, his voice a mix of bravado and bluster. “Congress? Nah, they’d blab.” And blab they did-not about the operation, but about Trump himself. Chuck Schumer, the Senate’s dour watchdog, called the attacks “reckless,” his voice trembling with indignation. “This should strike fear in the hearts of all Americans,” he warned, though whether it was fear of Trump’s actions or his hairpiece, no one could say.

The positive spot CVD? A gentle nudge to the bears. PEPE’s bullish break on the 1-day timeframe? A slap to the face of logic. But hey, who needs charts when you’ve got memes and momentum? 😂

Dubai courts, in a performance more absurd than a pantomime, have handed down a verdict so theatrical it could make Shakespeare weep. In January 2026, judges declared war on a woman accused of pilfering $1 million in cryptocurrency, sentencing her to jail, deportation, and a slap on the wrist for daring to exist in the digital realm. The case, they claimed, “tightened enforcement of crypto crimes” – a phrase that sounds suspiciously like a bureaucratic incantation.

Justin Sun, the founder of TRON, has begun selling a small portion of his LIT holdings, days after deploying tens of millions of dollars to build one of the largest positions in the token’s circulating supply. A man of many secrets, that one. 🎩

Y’see, the rally’s got more headwinds than a Mississippi riverboat in a hurricane. Investor sentiment’s weaker than a dollar store coffee, and it’s threatenin’ to scupper this whole shindig. Sure, the chart looks purty, but if folks ain’t buyin’ the Kool-Aid, well… you know how that ends. 💸

XRP crashed-oh, how it crashed!-in late 2025, a tragic hero falling from its October high of $3.1. It stumbled, it faltered, and by Q4, it lay gasping for support. 😵

Tryrex, our intrepid analyst, assures us that ETH is on the cusp of a “decisive bounce,” which, in layman’s terms, means it might just pretend to be brave for a moment. The liquidity zone between $2,800 and $3,000 is supposedly a “demand zone,” which sounds more like a fancy party than a financial milestone. 🕯️

Kim, with a flair for the dramatic, launched a token “supporting XRP,” a phrase as suspicious as a vegan steakhouse. His boasts echoed through the digital valleys, until David Schwartz, the CTO of Ripple, took a stroll through the rubble of Kim’s credentials. “These certifications,” he declared, “are likely crafted by your very hands, sir, and mimic legitimacy with the charm of a con artist at a bank.” 🕵️♂️

Having previously plummeted by 12% with the grace of a lead balloon, the token now struts its stuff as the top gainer, rallying 21% with the flair of a Victorian poet reciting sonnets to pigeons 🐦.

This malware, cheekily dubbed Android/BankBot-YNRK, is spreading like wildfire through counterfeit applications masquerading as reputable sources such as Google News-because who wouldn’t want their banking woes presented in a charming news format?