Crypto News

The regulatory filigree, dated September 15, 2025 (a date which, I suspect, holds no magical significance whatsoever), details the intricate choreography required for this particular financial pirouette. Nasdaq shall be the stage, Canary Capital Group LLC the rather puffed-up impresario. CSC Delaware Trust Company, bless its dutiful heart, will guard the coffers. And U.S. Bancorp Fund Services, LLC… well, they’ll be doing all the mundane paperwork, a task I imagine to be as thrilling as watching paint dry in Reykjavik. 🙄

Mr. Visser, ever the optimist or perhaps the mischief-maker, forecasts a growing appetite in the final quarter as portfolio managers eagerly poised themselves to make their grand designs for the coming year of 2025. Some shall venture timidly forth with modest increments; others, however, may audaciously slice ever greater portions of their hoards and declare their allegiance to that most curious of digital fortunes.

But look closer, comrades. The Network Value to Transaction (NVT) Ratio, that cold, calculating measure, has leapt a full 29% to reach 50.5 – a number that whispers of valuations stretched thinner than a prison ration. Twenty-eight and a half million dollars have vanished from the exchanges, yes, but what does it mean when the activity on the network itself fails to justify the ascending price? It is like building a palace on a foundation of sand, my friends.

Now, the SEC-once the villainous star in tales of crypto crackdown-had accused our brave Gemini of playing fast and loose with registration rules. Their Earn program promised mortals the chance to lend their precious Bitcoin (BTC) and other magical digital tokens to Genesis Global Capital in exchange for little golden interest coins. But, alas, the SEC claimed our heroes skipped the necessary ritual disclosures meant to shield investors from dark forest dangers.

So, here’s the scoop: Bitmine Immersion Technologies (NYSE: BMNR) has just dropped a bombshell-$10.8 billion worth of assets, mostly made up of massive ethereum holdings. That’s more than a decade’s worth of the average person’s salary, all in one company’s crypto stash. Talk about #livingthedream, right?

Meanwhile, these giant crypto whales-no, not aquatic creatures, actual wallet-holding monsters-are busy emptying exchanges faster than you empty a bag of chips during a Netflix binge.

After weeks of holding its breath (and possibly a few nervous breakdowns), the token has done the unthinkable. It closed above that dreaded resistance zone, igniting a fresh wave of optimism. Traders, like eager students in a high-stakes exam, are now eyeing higher targets. And of course, momentum indicators are flashing green-because when have they ever been wrong, right?

Ah, Michael Saylor’s Strategy (Nasdaq: MSTR) has once again displayed the admirable habit of accumulating a modest 525 bitcoins this Monday, nudging the hoard to a staggering 638,985 BTC. Yet, oh cruel fate! The mNAV took a timid dip to a mere 1.47. The learned minds at Standard Chartered now whisper that these low mNAVs are the melancholic ballads that haunt digital asset treasury companies (DATs), putting a damper on the “fresh buying” spree, which might, just might, explain why bitcoin decided to pause its dramatic waltz upward. 💤

Despite today’s little tantrum, fear not-Dogecoin’s potential future is looking as bright as ever. According to the ever-optimistic Trader Tardigrade (yes, I too thought it sounded like a character from a forgotten sci-fi novel), there could be a 7x rally on the horizon. That’s right, up to a jaw-dropping $7! As improbable as it sounds, he insists that the bullish pattern is still intact. In fact, according to our good friend Tardigrade, the triangle pattern breakout has all the hallmarks of a classic ‘buy now, regret nothing later’ scenario, with a rather delightful 1:29 risk-to-reward ratio.

Bitcoin (BTC) sneaked down to $115,000 (no, that’s not a typo-still a gazillion dollars), and top coins like Ethereum (ETH) and Solana (SOL) were sulking with over 3% losses in just one day. Oh, the humanity!