Crypto News

BlackRock’s ETHA was the star of this tragic opera, accounting for all the redemptions, while the other eight Ethereum ETFs just twiddled their thumbs, posting zero flow activity. 🎭🤡

In a chinwag with CNBC, Lakos let slip that this rosy scenario hinges on the Fed chaps not being too stingy with their monetary policy. “We’re thinking of [8,000 points] more as an upside scenario, old sport, and that would be contingent upon the Fed easing more than just one more time, which is part of our base case…

The settlement, which resembles the sort of financial largesse one might expect from a benevolent uncle after a particularly raucous family gathering, amounts to a cool $400,000. This princely sum is destined for those poor souls whose personally identifiable information was unceremoniously laid bare-things like names, social security numbers, and even account numbers, all thanks to an unauthorized individual who, in a burst of sheer audacity, accessed a bank email account between May 13th and May 16th of 2024. One must wonder what this individual was thinking: perhaps they fancied themselves a modern-day Robin Hood, but without the charm or the noble intent.

Now, however, the price has retreated some forty percent from that peak, causing many a nervous investor to clutch their pearls. Mr. Ali Martinez, a gentleman of some repute in these financial circles, has kindly provided his observations, highlighting certain price levels upon which the hopes of the bullish speculators now rest. One wonders if such prognostications are worth the paper they are written on… or, rather, the digital space they occupy.

In the frozen tundra of the digital age, where trust is currency and hope is a deprecated protocol, a man of hubris sent his life’s savings into the void. With the precision of a gulag accountant and the faith of a Soviet dissident, he copied a wallet address-nearly, but not quite, the one he intended-and … Read more

On Friday, the SEC rolled out the big guns-proposed final consent judgments in a New York court, which basically means they’re about to tell these guys, “You’re guilty, but let’s make it official.” The charges against Ellison and Wang actually first appeared around Christmas 2022 (cheerful holiday news!), while Singh’s got his name in the mix since February 2023. Santa definitely dropped the bad news this year. 🎅🕵️‍♂️

Now, they’re offering $400,000 to make it all better. $400,000. That’s…something. It works out to roughly the cost of a small island if you ignore the buying part, or, you know, a slightly above-average luxury watch. They’re calling it a settlement, which is a polite way of saying “we messed up, but aren’t taking full responsibility.” 😇

Zcash, the Beyoncé of privacy coins, hit a high of $440, making its market cap a cool $7.3 billion. That’s a lot of shielded transactions, folks. Or, as I like to call it, “financial invisibility cloaks.” Meanwhile, the 24-hour trading volume hit $763 million, which is basically the crypto world saying, “We see you, Zcash, and we’re into it.” 👀

Bitcoin, ever the enigmatic protagonist, has slipped into a valuation range so rare it might as well be wearing a monocle. Yet, network activity remains surprisingly robust. 🧐

The reason for this hullabaloo? Traders are diving into borrowed money like a duck in a pond, even though Ethereum’s price is wobbling more than a drunk at dawn. The stakes? Well, they’re high enough to turn a small bounce into a rollercoaster and a quick dip into chaos. Think of it as playing fetch with a tiger-you might get your ball back, or you might get clawed. 🐯