Crypto News

Out in the sun-scorched backyards of Las Vegas, where the dust has never been drier and the dreams have always been gaudier, CleanSpark Inc. has decided to play the part of a modern-day Prometheus. On November 10, they announced a grand plan to raise $1 billion through zero-coupon convertible notes-because who needs interest when you can have hope? These notes, due in February 2032, are as appetizing as a dry martini to a dehydrated coyote: no regular interest, just the sweet, sweet gamble of converting them into stock or a cash-share chimera, depending on the company’s whim.

Despite the dramatic descent, the shiny new SOL ETFs are still dragging in investors’ money. They’ve collectively gulped over $342 million-impressive, considering they only just got approved two weeks ago. Think of it like throwing money into a fire, hoping it’ll turn into gold. The Bitwise SOL ETF alone has soaked up $329 million, because nothing says confidence like investing in something that’s crashing. Meanwhile, Grayscale’s GSOL has added a modest $12.8 million to the pot, but hey, every drop counts when your asset is heading south.

So, here’s the latest: HBAR took a 2.1% dip to $0.1837 on Tuesday. Why? Well, the cryptocurrency tried to flirt with resistance at $0.1940 and was firmly told “Not today!”

Stellar’s XLM token, that humble digital bauble, rose by 3.6% on November 10, a feat so grand it could have been mistaken for a plot twist in a Dickensian novel. This leap, past the $0.3020 resistance, was no mere stumble-it was a calculated pirouette, executed with the precision of a clockmaker’s hands. Analysts, those modern-day sages, now squint at a potential seven-year triangle breakout toward $1.52. One wonders if they’ve finally mastered the art of divination-or simply discovered a new brand of crystal ball. 🔮

The IRS, in its infinite wisdom (and occasional chaos), graciously permits trusts to adjust their liquidity reserves. Yes, you read that right, adjust-they can actually get a little creative with financing arrangements to smooth out those pesky redemptions. Oh, how we long for such innovation in the stone-age world of grantor trusts!

So, quantum computing. A real hot topic in the crypto world, right? Well, Willy Woo-Bitcoin’s resident sage-has a “super easy” way for you to protect your Bitcoin from the quantum apocalypse that’s coming for us all. Spoiler alert: It’s not rocket science.

History, that fickle old friend, whispers that markets often stage a comeback when boredom sets in. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. This isn’t the plot of a Netflix heist show; it’s more like watching paint dry while hoping the paint decides to dance.

In his illustrious analysis, Weisberger basically called XRP the “utility token that only matters inside Ripple’s walled garden,” which, if you ask me, sounds like the crypto version of a secret club where you need a fancy handshake and a good Wi-Fi connection. He insists Bitcoin’s scarcity makes it “sound money,” and XRP? Well, it’s just useful for paying your coffee tab if that coffee shop uses Ripple. Because, you know, utility over scarcity-what could possibly go wrong?

Pi Coin (PI), that elusive token, was trading at $0.2300, a range it has clung to with the tenacity of a limpet on a rocky shore. Its volume, a paltry $30 million, is but a drop in the ocean for a $2 billion coin. One wonders if it’s all just a rather expensive game of make-believe. 🎭