The chaos was whipped up by a perfect mess of short-term nonsense: too much borrowing, too much risk, and Donald Trump throwing tariffs on China like they’re just some kind of spicy condiment. The analysts pointed out that the big domino was the market’s long bias-$16.7 billion wiped out straight away, while shorts barely made a dent with $2.5 billion. Talk about a lopsided game of high-stakes poker, huh?
But wait, there’s more! While Zcash is only down 5.5% from its recent high, other cryptos are still crying into their digital wallets. Poor Ether (ETH), once the darling of the crypto ball, is down 22% from its all-time high of $4,957. Talk about a fall from grace! 😢🪙
The deal, as it stands, involves the exchange of 12.77 million Class A shares at a princely $36 apiece. The proceeds, they say, shall be squandered-er, earmarked-for “general corporate use” and the expansion of the Helios campus. By early 2026, this desert mirage promises to deliver 133 megawatts of IT capacity. 🏜️💡 Novogratz, ever the poet of finance, declared, “Having one of the world’s largest and most sophisticated institutional investors make such a significant investment in our company will support our strategic vision and our ability to build leading businesses across digital assets and data centers.” 🗣️🎭
Ah, the sweet scent of DeFi disaster! A Hyperliquid trader just learned the hard way that private keys are like underwear – keep ’em private, or you’ll end up exposed. 💸🔓 Lost: $21M. Lesson: DeFi security is a sieve, and we’re all just trying not to leak.
In a hilarious new post on X, the wizards at Santiment (aka the Crypto Nostradamuses) spilled the beans on how our favorite coins stack up in the “Total Amount of Holders” department. Spoiler alert: DOGE is the prom king, but Bitcoin and Ethereum are still the cool kids at the back of the class. 😎
In this dreadful existence of blockchain toil, where one soul after another suffers under the weight of ceaseless validation, the upgrade mercifully eases the burden, allowing mere mortals to partake without the infernal expense of titanic hardware or lightning-fast abysses of internet-oh, the humanity! 💥
DDC Enterprise has raised $124 million in fresh equity to accelerate its bitcoin treasury strategy, a gleaming nod from institutional minds toward a long-running crypto fantasia. 😂💼
PeckShield, that vigilant gossip of the blockchain, reports that the attacker targeted 17.75 million DAI and 3.11 million SyrupUSDC, a syrupy stand‑in for USDC used within Hyperdrive, and then spirited the loot to Ethereum. Oh, the elegance of audacity! 😂
After a blissful eight-day duet, crypto ETF flows decided to ghost each other. Bitcoin is still strutting, while Ether funds finally had a red-letter day-literally red, literally sad. Institutional crypto love is complicated, darling. 💔
According to a latest article from The New York Times, the round was led by Sequoia Capital and Andreessen Horowitz, with a chorus of supporters including Paradigm, CapitalG, Coinbase Ventures, and Spark Capital. Talk about a who’s-who of people who like to guess the future and then take the odds to dinner. 🧠🍷
