Losing $21M to a Private Key Leak: A Wildean Wallet Woe

PeckShield, that vigilant gossip of the blockchain, reports that the attacker targeted 17.75 million DAI and 3.11 million SyrupUSDC, a syrupy stand‑in for USDC used within Hyperdrive, and then spirited the loot to Ethereum. Oh, the elegance of audacity! 😂

Crypto Chaos: Bitcoin Wins, Ether Has a Meltdown 😬

After a blissful eight-day duet, crypto ETF flows decided to ghost each other. Bitcoin is still strutting, while Ether funds finally had a red-letter day-literally red, literally sad. Institutional crypto love is complicated, darling. 💔

Kalshi Nets $300M, Valuation at $5B – Global Chaos Ahead!

According to a latest article from The New York Times, the round was led by Sequoia Capital and Andreessen Horowitz, with a chorus of supporters including Paradigm, CapitalG, Coinbase Ventures, and Spark Capital. Talk about a who’s-who of people who like to guess the future and then take the odds to dinner. 🧠🍷

Bitcoin Sneezes, Altcoins Feast: Snort, Hyper, RTX to the Rescue! 🚀💰

Bitcoin, that old bull, stumbles from $126K to $121K, leaving altcoins in its dusty wake. 🌪️
But fear not, dear investor! The market’s pullback is a masquerade ball for emerging presales. 🎭
Snorter ($SNORT) sniffs out profits with Telegram trading and 110% staking rewards. 🐽
Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) and Remittix ($RTX) rake in millions, promising scalability and real-world utility. 🌍✨

Bitcoin’s Revenge: Max Keiser Declares Fiat’s Funeral 🎉💸

Bitcoin Price Chart

Grab your coffee (or crypto) because while the US government is playing shutdown bingo, Bitcoin is having a glow-up moment. Max Keiser, the crypto oracle with a side of snark, says this isn’t just luck-it’s destiny. Or, you know, the inevitable collapse of fiat. Same thing. 🤷‍♂️

Gold, Tether, and Nasdaq: The Most Ridiculous Treasury Ever? 🚀💰

Aurelion Treasury Launch

To fund this wild ride, the company closed a $100 million Private Investment in Public Equity (PIPE) round, because nothing says “we’re serious” like a three-letter acronym. Anchor investor Antalpha Platform Holding Company and other accredited investors, including Tether itself (yes, the same Tether), threw their hats-and money-into the ring. On top of that, they secured a $50 million senior debt facility, bringing their total funding to a cool $150 million. 🧮✨

Ethereum’s Price Is Strong, But Can It Survive ETF Outflows? Maybe. Probably. 🤔

Ethereum Price Chart

As of this very moment, ETH is sitting at $4,339-down 0.9% in the last 24 hours, but who’s counting? With a 24-hour trading volume of $14.6 billion (you know, just a casual day at the office), Bitcoin continues to hover above $121,000. It’s almost like the market’s taking a breather after a crazy sprint. But hey, don’t worry. Big wallets are still buying, retail investors are huddled around the $4,000-$4,700 range, and analysts are staring at their charts like fortune tellers hoping for a big breakout. 🙄