In this dreadful existence of blockchain toil, where one soul after another suffers under the weight of ceaseless validation, the upgrade mercifully eases the burden, allowing mere mortals to partake without the infernal expense of titanic hardware or lightning-fast abysses of internet-oh, the humanity! 💥
DDC Enterprise has raised $124 million in fresh equity to accelerate its bitcoin treasury strategy, a gleaming nod from institutional minds toward a long-running crypto fantasia. 😂💼
PeckShield, that vigilant gossip of the blockchain, reports that the attacker targeted 17.75 million DAI and 3.11 million SyrupUSDC, a syrupy stand‑in for USDC used within Hyperdrive, and then spirited the loot to Ethereum. Oh, the elegance of audacity! 😂
After a blissful eight-day duet, crypto ETF flows decided to ghost each other. Bitcoin is still strutting, while Ether funds finally had a red-letter day-literally red, literally sad. Institutional crypto love is complicated, darling. 💔
According to a latest article from The New York Times, the round was led by Sequoia Capital and Andreessen Horowitz, with a chorus of supporters including Paradigm, CapitalG, Coinbase Ventures, and Spark Capital. Talk about a who’s-who of people who like to guess the future and then take the odds to dinner. 🧠🍷
Well, Ethereum’s big moment depends on if there are enough cheerleaders-aka buyers-around to balance out all these sulking whales. If traders stay optimistic, maybe, just maybe, ETH can flex and climb higher. Otherwise, we’re in for some awkward silence.
Bitcoin, that old bull, stumbles from $126K to $121K, leaving altcoins in its dusty wake. 🌪️
But fear not, dear investor! The market’s pullback is a masquerade ball for emerging presales. 🎭
Snorter ($SNORT) sniffs out profits with Telegram trading and 110% staking rewards. 🐽
Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) and Remittix ($RTX) rake in millions, promising scalability and real-world utility. 🌍✨
Grab your coffee (or crypto) because while the US government is playing shutdown bingo, Bitcoin is having a glow-up moment. Max Keiser, the crypto oracle with a side of snark, says this isn’t just luck-it’s destiny. Or, you know, the inevitable collapse of fiat. Same thing. 🤷♂️
To fund this wild ride, the company closed a $100 million Private Investment in Public Equity (PIPE) round, because nothing says “we’re serious” like a three-letter acronym. Anchor investor Antalpha Platform Holding Company and other accredited investors, including Tether itself (yes, the same Tether), threw their hats-and money-into the ring. On top of that, they secured a $50 million senior debt facility, bringing their total funding to a cool $150 million. 🧮✨
As of this very moment, ETH is sitting at $4,339-down 0.9% in the last 24 hours, but who’s counting? With a 24-hour trading volume of $14.6 billion (you know, just a casual day at the office), Bitcoin continues to hover above $121,000. It’s almost like the market’s taking a breather after a crazy sprint. But hey, don’t worry. Big wallets are still buying, retail investors are huddled around the $4,000-$4,700 range, and analysts are staring at their charts like fortune tellers hoping for a big breakout. 🙄
