Crypto News

The Facts:

Traders are whispering (well, shouting into their screens) that without a breakout soon, XRP might as well start drafting its breakup letter to the bulls. Technical signals? They’re flashing redder than Bridget’s diary after a bottle of Chardonnay. 🍷

In a new post on X, analyst Ali Martinez has shared a pattern forming in Dogecoin’s 12-hour price chart. The pattern in question is an Ascending Channel from TA, a type of Parallel Channel. Because nothing says “confidence” like a sloped line. 📈

Hyperliquid, a protocol of some renown in the perpetual exchange domain, leads this peculiar parade with roughly $645 million. Nearly half the total! One imagines the accountants are working overtime, meticulously counting all the digital pennies. 💸

According to PelinayPA, writing for CryptoQuant as if it were a financial Agatha Christie, the funding rates on Binance remain positively tickled-though not excessively so. Like a well-mannered flirtation, the rates hover between 0.01% and 0.03%, which means the market hasn’t yet screamed *“I do!”* to reckless euphoria. How refreshing.

Sources, speaking in whispery tones to Bloomberg, claim that Ripple intends to offer 4.74 billion XRP tokens into this theatrical venture-oh, the audacity! And for those not in the know, a SPAC is basically a shell game where a company pretends to be a shiny, new enterprise to fool the unsuspecting public, all in the name of getting rich quick. Because isn’t that what every charming con artist dreams of? 😉

So, XRP decided to join Bitcoin and Ethereum in their downward spiral. Below $2.420, below $2.40-it’s like a crypto fire sale, but no one’s buying. Even dipped below $2.30, hitting a low of $2.287. Now it’s just sitting there, nursing its wounds and humming sad tunes. 🎶😢

This week’s expiry performance is marginally grander than last week’s forgettable matinee, though spot markets-currently engaged in their own tragicomic descent-are unlikely to notice. Meanwhile, the U.S. government, ever the theatrical troupe, remains shuttered, and trade tariffs loom like a poorly rehearsed deus ex machina. Yet, the grand narrative of quantitative tightening’s demise and liquidity’s triumphant return whispers sweet bullish nothings to crypto’s eager ears.

Policymakers and crypto firms, in a shocking display of coordination (or sheer panic), are scrambling to slap rules on stablecoins-those digital chameleons that might one day pay your rent. Ripple’s latest manifesto, penned by Rahul Advani and Caren Tso (because every corporate duo needs a rhyming pair), breathlessly declares: “Let’s make stablecoins boring again!”

Enter Darkfost, the on-chain Sherlock Holmes, who reveals that Long-Term Holders (LTHs) are flexing their muscles-or perhaps their wallets-by exerting significant pressure on the market. Their Spent Output Profit Ratio (SOPR) sits at a whopping 2.32, which, in plain English, means they’re selling coins at an average gain of over 130%. Talk about cashing in on the crypto craze! 💰