In a move that’s got more eyebrows raised than a room full of quizzical dwarfs, Peter Thiel’s Macro LLC hedge fund has filed to sell off all its Nvidia stock in Q3. Sure, the fund’s smaller than a gnome’s pocket, but it’s the signal that’s got Wall Street whispering like a coven of gossiping witches. 🧙♀️✨
Bid farewell to the fair vaulting dream of Bitcoin being valued in any pleasant manner based on the cosmic arithmetic of mining energy costs, as proclaimed by the erudite seers immersed in cryptocurrency production economics. The gap between market prices and this theoretical valuation yawns like a maw wide at a banquet of expenses. 🎩
The Division of Examinations, in their wisdom, have released their priorities for the coming fiscal year – concluding, rather conveniently, on the 30th of September, 2026 – and have elected to entirely overlook the bubbling cauldron of crypto innovation. One wonders if this is a case of selective vision, or perhaps a deliberate disregard for matters too…modern?
But here’s where the story takes a deliciously dark turn. A “net loss” of $15.8 million! Apparently, the relentless march of technological obsolescence – specifically, the accelerated depreciation of their Bitcoin mining machines, those metallic gourmands devouring electricity in Paraguay – has exerted its cruel hand. It’s a cautionary tale, really. Build empires of silicon, they said. It will be fun, they said. 🙄
The once-mighty Bitcoin has lost its footing, tumbling to a low of $89,649, a figure that whispers of despair to the faithful. According to the oracles at Bitstamp, this marks a seven-month nadir, turning the year’s gains into ashes. The market, gripped by a bearish fervor, seems to have forgotten the promises of prosperity. 🐻💨
In case you’ve been living under a rock, the crypto market has grown to a jaw-dropping $3.2 trillion. But here’s the kicker: only $300 billion to $400 billion of that sum is doing anything remotely productive in terms of yield. That’s right, just 8% to 11% of the sector. In contrast, the stodgy old world of traditional finance (TradFi) has about 55% to 65% of its investable capital working hard for it-making crypto look a bit like a teenager at his first job. Yield-bearing instruments? Yeah, TradFi’s got those in spades, leaving crypto in the dust.
A discerning whale, whose name is whispered in crypto taverns like a sailor’s curse, has doubled down on $ASTER. This occurred mere hours before the anticipated Stage 4 airdrop. Per Lookonchain’s observations, the deposit? A tidy $1 million in USDC. The market, ever the drama queen, has taken notice.
But wait, there’s more! A fresh new sell signal has appeared from one of the crypto world’s key indicators, reminding us of those fun times in the past when similar signals led to a heart-stopping 67% drop in value. Ah, the sweet smell of déjà vu. 😬
Over in Canada, unregistered crypto outfits are becoming maestros of money laundering. It seems like everyone’s favorite pastime-aside from moose hunting-has evolved to include an artful dance around the financial rules. Forget background checks; perhaps they’re under the wrong impression and thought this was a secret mole tunnel meeting.
What’s bizarre is that Dogecoin already had its moment in the ETF spotlight earlier this year. The first DOGE fund popped up faster than a jack-in-the-box, catching everyone off guard and proving there’s a hunger for crypto beyond Bitcoin and Ethereum. Now, Grayscale wants to be the top dog in round two. 🐕🦺
