Crypto News

Ah, JPMorgan Chase, the bank that once sniffed at Bitcoin like an old uncle dismissing the ‘newfangled’ rock n’ roll music. Now, they’re practically inviting it in for tea. By the end of this year, institutional clients will be able to use their beloved Bitcoin and Ether as collateral for loans. Isn’t it just darling when institutions finally get on the bandwagon, even if they’re fashionably late? 🎩

According to confidential whispers from industry insiders (probably in a very posh coffee shop), JPMorgan’s upcoming policy will let select institutional clients pledge their shiny Bitcoin and Ether holdings as collateral – kinda like pledging your fancy watch or stocks, but with more zeros and fewer guarantees. And don’t worry, these precious cryptos will be kept safe by a third-party custodian, so JPMorgan doesn’t have to babysit a digital dragon. Instead, they just get to pretend that those electronic coins still mean something, which, honestly, is the financial equivalent of good old-fashioned wizardry. 🧙‍♀️💰

The researcher claims the problem is “exogenous”-like, obviously, the US-China trade war. Because nothing says “market maturity” like a 100% tariff threat. 🇺🇸🇨🇳 He calls the price action “crab,” which I guess means it’s moving sideways but pretending it’s a sprint. 🦀

On their very first day, XRP futures strutted onto the scene, trading over $19 million like it was a hot slice of pie. Since then, they’ve been skyrocketing faster than a rocket on a sugar high. CME bragged about trading a staggering 340,000 crypto contracts daily – that’s a 225% increase that would make anyone’s head spin! 🎢💸

Over $6.6 million has been wagered on Trump’s potential 2025 pardons, with around $356,045 placed on Bankman-Fried’s outcome. Another related market tracking whether he’ll be released from custody in 2025 climbed to 10%. The sharp jump reflects the optimism among bettors who believe Trump might extend the same favor to the disgraced crypto mogul. Because nothing says “justice” like a 10% chance of freedom. 🙃

The market, once a shivering sapling, now towers like a sequoia. Major tokens and altcoins dance in the spotlight, their trading activity brighter than a Broadway marquee. Bitcoin, that old rogue, clings to $110,000, while Ethereum inches toward $4,000 with the grace of a cat on a hot tin roof.

The consensus, that fickle oracle of market wisdom, predicts a 0.4% uptick in headline inflation and 0.3% in core prices. One wonders if they’ve ever considered a career in astrology. 🌙

The news, which could have been straight out of a soap opera, ignited a spark of optimism throughout the Binance ecosystem. Naturally, this caused a surge of activity in various altcoins. But which ones? Well, let’s dive into the whirlwind of numbers, tokens, and drama.

Turns out, Fortress, or should I say Elemental Financial Technologies-because nothing says “reliable” like a name change-was basically playing financial hide-and-seek with client assets. They didn’t just forget to balance their checkbooks; they forgot where they even put them. According to Bloomberg, they owe customers money they don’t have, and trying to withdraw your cash from Fortress right now? Think of it like asking a magician to pull a rabbit out of a hat, only to get an empty silk scarf instead.