Crypto News

During a chat with Anthony Pompiliano (because who needs sleep when you can talk crypto?), Visser dropped this bombshell:

Bitwise’s Ryan Rasmussen (a name that sounds like it was generated by a corporate name bot) told the FT that Coinbase’s head start might be turning into a head-scratcher. 🤔 Meanwhile, Coinbase’s stock is doing the financial equivalent of the cha-cha slide-up, down, and all around. In July, it hit a record high, making investors briefly forget that crypto is basically a rollercoaster designed by a sadist. But since then, it’s taken a 33% nosedive from its peak. Ouch. Still, it’s up 25% since the start of the year, so not all hope is lost. Unless you bought at the peak. In which case, our thoughts are with you. 🙏

The market may still have room for growth despite being in the late stage of the bull run, according to BitMEX Founder Arthur Hayes. 🤡

This isn’t mere happenstance. Targeted family offices and asset managers-the venerable guardians of inherited fortunes-are being gently coaxed into the digital labyrinth. Cypher Capital, wielding its freshly acquired POL tokens like a newcomer flaunting his Soviet badges, pledges to sculpt investment strategies so elegant that even the bureaucrats of liquidity, compliance, and risk shall clap reluctantly in approval.

Fabio Plein, the fella over at Coinbase who knows the lay of the land, says this ain’t good news for the little guy-those small investors are about to feel the bite. But the big money? Oh, they’ll be snug as bugs in a rug.

With the assurance that only a true visionary can muster, Borovik shared these predictions on his magical X post, painting a picture where Bitcoin climbs a mind-boggling mountain to $896,503-yes, you heard it right, folks! And Ethereum might feel generous and stretch to $35,000! Why not throw in a BNB at $7,000 while we’re at it? What a splendid game of make-believe we find ourselves in! 🎩✨

Remember when Donald Trump did his March magic and signed an executive order setting up the grand idea of an SBR alongside a US Digital Asset Stockpile? Yeah, well – no one’s seen the deets yet. It’s like prepping a rave and forgetting to send the invites.

According to Arkham’s on-chain data, the wallet at address 0x15f4c13E0cA461e0ef23F6d35Bbeb5dCE2495879 has received a gift of 3,976 ETH-approximately $18 million-at a price of $4,756 per token. Looks like the hacker’s taste for luxury extends beyond just digital heists. 💸

Well, would you look at that? MemeCore snuck past $2.48 as if I’m some old guy whispering something unusual at a showing of MoMA which nobody listens to, except they do. At press time, it dipped back down to $2.21 – you know, like my sanity during a debate with Jeff. 🌊 And yet, it’s still as bullish as a horse just before it bucks you. Momentum, baby!

Cryptocurrency exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) decided on Sept. 10 to finally clarify its digital asset listing process-like a magician explaining their tricks mid-trick. Project teams, if you have the time to write a whitepaper, third-party audit, and your entire life story, go ahead and apply. Because nothing says “investor protection” like drowning in paperwork. 📄