In his essay, cleverly titled “Suavemente” (because nothing says financial analysis like a smooth salsa beat 🎶), Hayes breaks it down: Trump wants to pump the GDP like it’s a reality TV rating, but he can’t let gas prices spike or the voters will riot. So, Venezuela’s oil is the sacrificial lamb. 🐑 Genius? Maybe. Desperate? Definitely. 🤔
The exit queue? Oh, it’s practically a ghost town-just 32 ETH with a one-minute wait. That’s a 99.9% nosedive from the 2.67 million ETH back in mid-September. Talk about a dramatic exit. 👻⏳
But hold your space-hopping horses! Bubblemaps, the blockchain analytics firm that probably has a towel as part of its logo, has swooped in to say, “Not so fast, bucko!” According to them, exchange timing and wallet matches are about as conclusive as a fish’s grasp of quantum mechanics. 🐟🤷♂️
And now? A mere 5% uptick, as if the gods of finance are teasing us with a morsel before the feast. Or perhaps they are merely laughing at our mortal impatience. 😏
Ah, behold! In the early hours of January 6, 2026, XRP continued its vigorous ascent, reaching the sunny heights of $2.41 before indulging in a slight retreat-a brief interlude around $2.38. By midnight EST, this cheeky little coin had pranced up by 12.6%, standing out as the sole high-cap digital darling flaunting double-digit gains in this curious window of time. Bravo!
Lighter’s been makin’ promises, followin’ through on a few, and now people are wonderin’ if this climb is gonna hold, or just collapse like a poorly built barn. It’s always the way, ain’t it? Promises and dust.
Things That Might Be Worth Knowing (Probably)
Ether has already gained 16% this year, and let’s be honest, we’re barely done with our New Year’s resolutions. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s over here pretending to hustle with a measly 6.7% gain. 🥱
Now, the fourth quarter was no snooze-fest either, averaging over 27 million contracts, while December brought in a cozy 23 million. It seems like everyone was too busy trading to stop for a cup of tea! ☕️
After a little warm-up above $0.1320 (looking at you, Bitcoin and Ethereum), DOGE decided it was its moment to shine. It broke through $0.140 like it was a velvet rope and entered the VIP section. 🌟
