Back in July, FTX thought it clever to consider denying payouts in regions where crypto laws are about as clear as mud-an idea that, unsurprisingly, was met with all the enthusiasm of a cat at bath time. Creditors, especially the Chinese, who seem to hold most of the troublesome claims, shouted loud enough to drown out FTX’s faint whispers of “we’re still in control.”
Binance, ever the smooth operator, chalked it up to a “technical glitch.” But the on-chain sleuths, those modern-day Sherlocks, sniffed out a tale as twisted as a Bulgakov novel. The timing, the data, the money flow-all whispered of a grander scheme. 🧐
Mark your calendars, folks! The deal is expected to close in 2026. At that point, the good people holding Animoca Brands’ shares will find themselves clutching approximately 95% of the new company’s shares. Hold on tight, this could be an emotional rollercoaster-or a straight-up crypto moonshot.
The Facts (or, as I like to call them, the “Oh, Come On” Moments)
In a recent CBS News 60 Minutes interview (because where else?), President Trump defended his decision to pardon Binance’s co-founder Changpeng ‘CZ’ Zhao. And yeah, Congress wasn’t thrilled. Shocking, I know.
The EU, ever the cautious giant, blinked and said, “Go ahead, but don’t break the rules-or we’ll turn you into a spreadsheet!” And so, Kraken, that sly fox of the crypto world, began its whimsical waltz, offering Bitcoin, Ethereum, and stablecoins as collateral for futures trading. A move so bold, it made even the most stoic regulators mutter, “This is… different.”
In a twist that’s almost too good to be true, StakeWise has managed to claw back a chunk of their vanished assets. This is a rare victory in the aftermath of one of the year’s biggest digital heists, akin to finding a $20 bill wedged between your couch cushions.
On Monday, SOL plummeted 8.3%, losing the lower boundary of its snug three-month range. Think of it as trying to hold onto your last chip at a casino and then having a gust of wind strip it right from your fingers. The altcoin had been frolicking within the blissful $175-$250 range, peaking at $253 during the September fiesta, only to now be sunken in a pit of despair.
He reckons things are looking up thanks to the world not being quite as horribly expensive as it was a moment ago. And, get this, someone, somewhere, is actually buying the stuff again. He calls this ‘renewed on-chain activity.’ What it actually means, I haven’t the foggiest, but it sounds terribly important.
It stayed “bearish.” What does that even mean? Like, grumpy? It’s a cryptocurrency, not a person! And it dipped below $2.50… then $2.420. It’s like a bad sitcom – predictable, annoying, and you can’t look away. They’re comparing it to Bitcoin and Ethereum… like those guys have it figured out. Please.