Crypto News

Ah, the bitter fruits of love and blockchain! In a twist that would make even the most jaded soul chuckle, Lachy Groom, venture capitalist and former flame of Sam Altman, found himself at the center of a heist so audacious, it reeks of Hollywood script gone wrong. Police sources confirm: $11 million in ETH and BTC vanished into the ether, quite literally. And who spilled the beans? None other than those well-versed in the romantic sagas of the tech elite. 🌉💔

Here’s the master plan, in Tina Fey style: XRP’s gotta go through a series of ridiculous milestones. First, a quick leap to $11.25, then a laughably tame jump to $22.50 (like, “oh, that’s cute”), and then-just when you think it’s peaking-BOOM-$45, then $90, then $135, and finally $225. Basically, it’s like climbing a staircase that’s more like a giant slide with a speed boost at every step. As ETF money floods in like your entire family on Black Friday, XRP’s price perks up, scales mountains, and probably has a few hangovers along the way. And all that, despite XRP’s current mood-dipping 1.8% in a day and feeling kind of blah over the past two weeks. Correct me if I’m wrong, but short-term dips are just the market’s way of saying, “I’ve got bigger plans, don’t worry.”

Crypto-linked stocks are feeling the heat as the market tightens its belt and investors get cold feet. But Cathie? She’s out here with her risk appetite on full display, going long like it’s her job (oh wait, it is). On Tuesday, November 25, Ark Invest expanded its crypto portfolio, adding Block, Circle, and Coinbase to its already spicy lineup. Because apparently, bear markets are just discount shopping seasons for her. 🛍️🐻

The Trump administration says 2026 tax refunds are set to break records. We’re talking about the largest tax refunds in U.S. history, thanks to a delicious mix of retroactive tax cuts, unchanged withholding rules for 2025, and legislative timing that caused many people to overpay their taxes throughout the year. Oops! 🙃

The crypto market, ever the tempestuous diva, continues its relentless evolution. Traders, those fickle souls, now seek exchanges as swift and effortless as a Waugh novel is witty. In 2026, the clamor for instant, registration-free trading reaches a fever pitch. Below, a curated list of platforms where one can trade without the indignity of personal disclosure. 🕵️‍♀️📜

On November 25, blogger Shanaka laid out the financial soap opera: Metaplanet bought Bitcoin at an average price of over $108,000, which sounds extravagant until you realize the current price is around $87,500. That’s about one in a series of bad decisions, or at least a really expensive game of “hold my beer.” The unrealized loss? A staggering $651 million. This coincides with the company’s stock plummeting 81% since June-because nothing says “confidence” like a downward spiral. But wait, there’s more: their revenue is skyrocketing-up 1,700%, or so they say, to ¥4.3 billion, with net income at ¥13.5 billion. That’s the magic of accounting, my friend. It’s like printing money and then losing it in a Bitcoin minefield. They’re banking on “reflexivity,” which is just a fancy way of saying that when Bitcoin goes up, they can issue equity and buy more BTC. When it goes down, they pretend it’s all part of the master plan. Spoiler alert: the master plan has a few cracks-and a lot of chaos.

Rather than sparking a bullish frenzy, the ETF’s debut revealed a crowd as interested as cats at a dog show-zero enthusiasm, zilch appetite. The market’s response was about as lively as a Sunday morning after a long Saturday night, leaving investors feeling like they’d bought a ticket to a show that got canceled.

The message was plain as a muddy river, yet it carried the weight of a storm-these crypto giants might soon be played by the big-league players in the institutional ballgame. With CME leading the parade, it’s like inviting the elephants to dance with the ants. The market’s eyes twinkle like a possum in the dark, eager to see if this grand announcement stirs the pot. 👀

Some genius on X (is that what the kids call it now?) claimed Eric predicted Ethereum would hit eight grand in just over a month. Classic crypto fairy tale. The post went viral faster than you can say “bubble,” forcing Eric to step in like a boss with a blunt “that’s not me.”

transforming the ZEC Trust into an exchange-traded fund.